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United States


It's Okay to Be Crummy Mommy

alec vanderboom

Roe v Wade is the current law across the nation. I wish it wasn't but the law of the land says that Mothers of unborn babies get a veto right. For today, it's alright in our nation to be pregnant, and change your mind about staying a Mother.

I want to talk about the horrible unspoken assumptions that make it so easy to panic about Motherhood. It's our own fears that drive us to the abortion clinic, not the police as in China.

Being a Mother is not easy. Being a Mother is not "automatic." Motherhood is a journey--the mother's heart has to grow in an emotional and spiritual plane just as dramatically as her young child's physical development.

I feel like the cult of Mother "perfectionism" has grown rapidly with the cult of abortion. There's less room for messy in our society. Less room for accidents---even within a marriage, even to a woman almost at the age of menopause. Birth control and abortion mean that a woman is expected to "have a plan" before each "planned pregnancy." The ducks are all supposed to be in a row---health care needs, physical needs, emotional needs, financial needs.

For any woman, married or single, who is pregnant and overwhelmed, I want to say kindly "it's okay to be a Crummy Mommy."

Life is a gift. It's okay to do this Mothering thing--"not well."

It's okay to not have a bedroom for the baby when you're pregnant and plan to squeeze her crib into the hallway of a one bedroom apartment in Chicago.  It's okay to be pregnant and trying to finish high school, or college, or graduate school. It's okay to be pregnant and not feel like you've got your life "together" or "decided" yet. You can be pregnant and struggle with a physical illness, or an emotional weakness.

There is a tiny being inside you--and you're already The Mom. You can trust this great energy (I'm religious so I call the Creator of the World, God)--you can trust that God will help you, and uphold you and wants you and your baby to succeed.

It's okay to do the most important work of our generation "imperfectly."