My Life As A Catholic

Tonight marks 9 years as a Catholic.

I realized last week that I don't even have a pictures from the night when I took my First Communion. Can you imagine?

I've got thousands of pictures of my Marriage, and a few precious shots of my Baptism.

Yet First Communion, the same sacrament that I just put so much effort in last year for my daughter, passed me right by.

I didn't buy a new dress. I didn't do a ton of prayer prep. I just sort of showed up when they said to show up and sat in the pew with my name tag on it. (Jon thought he took some pictures but that was two digital cameras ago. I don't remember ever printing any out.)

I remember being really nervous. My Protestant parents were there and I was worried about how they would react to this big break with my past. My brand-new husband was there. He was so excited and so nervous.

I remember being really nervous and really numb.

I took the big Communion bit--- and nothing.

I remember feeling vaguely disappointed.

My sponsor was a complete stranger from Church who gave me a crucifix and a John Paul II rosary. "It's been blessed" she said. I took the gift without having any idea what "being blessed" meant. The crucifix still hangs over my bed.

That night my husband and I stayed up late and talked and talked. I don't think we were even talking about the faith--just happy and excited to be newlyweds together.

If I had to talk to that girl nine years ago, I'd half to bit my cheek to avoid giving her to much advice. GET A NEW DRESS, Stupid. Take some pictures. Get them developed and framed PRONTO! Did you really work very hard at examining your conscience before that First Confession? Read more Holy Scripture. Girl, is prayer anywhere on the agenda--at all?

But the thing I have to remember is despite my general cluelesness, despite my ignorance-- my first taste of the Eucharist worked.

It's Christ, in there. Body and Soul.

I don't have any pictures of that special Holy Night, Easter Vigil 2002--but I have the fruit. Five holy souls that I've carried in my womb. A Carmelite vocation. A strengthened marriage. A new life with Christ filled to the brim with Faith. Hope. And Love.

My New Standard of Meekness

In the 1950s, Mother Teresa ran into trouble with finding a suitable spot for a new leper clinic in Calcutta. The wife of a British solicitor, Ann Blaikie, suggested a plot of land between two railway lines. Government officials whipped up public opinion against this move.

When Mother Teresa arrived "the villagers picked up stones and started to throw them, forcing the well-intentioned intruders to run to the car. Mother Teresa, always quick to perceive the hand Providence at work, saw in their disapproval a sign that God might not want a leper clinic in that particular location and resolved to pray for two mothers to see what God did want...."

(Within two months she received a $10,000 rupee donation AND free medical support to open the first ever mobile leprosy clinic is laid. The new discovery of the sulphone drug, DDS, means that patients can now be treated at home.)

"Ambulances carrying this and other medicines to those areas where there were most needed could arrest the disease and in some cases cure it and, what was of vital importance to Mother Teresa, they could do so without removing the patient from his family, his essential source of love, or his employment, the mainspring of his dignity." (Spink, Mother Teresa, p 65)

Can you imagine such meekness? First, if a crowd of people started literally throwing stones at me for "doing God's work" , I would be sorely tempted to get on my high horse. I'd be tempted to think that clearly I was in the right and they were in the wrong. It's a LEPER Clinic, after all. How much more cut and dried can you get for being "inside of God's will?" For Mother Teresa to view the villagers stone -throwing as the permissive Will of God Almighty is pretty amazing. Then she had the courage and self-discipline to sit still and PRAY about the problem for two months??? So inspiring!

"We Can't Have Heaven All the Way To Heaven!"

My new favorite quote from Mother Angelica. ("Mother Angelica: The Remarkable Story of a Nun, Her Nerve and a Network of Miracles" by Raymond Arroyo, Doubleday, 2005.)

My New Favorite Mother Teresa of Calcutta Story

"After receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa was invited to a official reception in Delhi's historic Red Fort in February 1980... Mother Teresa rose to speak. She told the story of a leper who had run the doorbell of the mother house a few days previously. Here tale was a clear indication of the perspective from which she viewed her international acclaim:

It was a leper shivering with cold. I asked him whether he needed anything from me. I wanted to offer him food and a blanket to protect himself from the bitter night of Calcutta.

He replied in the negative. He showed me his begging bowl. He told me in Bengali: "Mother, people were talking that you received some prize. This morning I decided that whatever I got through begging today, I would hand over to you this evening. That is why I am here."

I found in the begging bowl 75 paise (2 pence). The gift was small. I keep it even today on my table because this tiny gift reveals to me the largeness of a human heart. It is beautiful."

The leper's small gift she kept on her table; the Nobel medal she had temporarily mislaid at the reception following the ceremony. After some searching it was found among the coats in the entrance hall.
(From Mother Teresa: A Complete Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink, HarperSanFrancisco, 1997, pg 171.)

Did you catch that? The Noble Peace Prize-- (the award I would have been clutching onto with pride and joy)-- this Saint immediately LOST in a coat closet. The two worthless pennies from a beggar, Mother Teresa enshrines on a place of honor at her desk.

Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us. Ask Christ to heal our vanity. Pray that we will start to hold more lightly the worthless things of the world, and hold tighter too the things that are great in the eyes of God.

Slightly Less Selfish in 2011

This Good Friday, it took us a manic 35 minutes to get out the door to hit my parish's Stations of the Cross at noon.

Six people needed to find rain gear and matching shoes. The Baby needed a ton of stuff. We had to find the bus passes, the water bottles, and (no I'm not exaggerating here) forty-one urgently almost overdue library books.

We hit the bus stop with six seconds to spare. We all jumped off at church. Maria (my 3 year old) is currently going on a walking strike. "I'm tired" she announces each and every time we bring out the new "big girl" stroller for Baby Tess. Since my beloved spouse is currently an overloaded pack mule with 41 overdue library books precariously balanced on his back, I offer to carry the sulky three year old. Since I'm a weakling, this really means, "carry a happy middle daughter for one city block, put her down, and drag her sobbing by the hand for the next city block. rinse and repeat."

I feel a little wilted by the time we reach our parish church.

We walk in.

I point out the missing Holy Water to the kids, pass out Station of the Cross booklets to the kids (I'm so charmed that Alex makes sure that our little Tess has one!) and dragged a parade of my family to the empty Tabernacle behind the alter.

Two alter guild ladies were cleaning out the Tabernacle and kept giving me odd, surprised glances. "Dudes this is educational..." I thought. I assertively keep going with my little pre-Mass show and tell speech. "Today the Tabernacle is bare. The cloth is missing. The Tabernacle is unlocked and empty. Jesus isn't with us today. Today, and JUST for today, we don't have to bow when we walk past it. Can everyone see the empty spot inside there?"

Then we made a beeline to the back of the church. We flung 6 coats and three large backpacks in a huge pile on one of the pews. I notice that the coats are sort of precariously hanging over the edge.

"Should we go ahead and start?" Jon asks me. It's still at good 30 minutes before the official Stations of the Cross being. "Okay!" I said cheerfully. "I don't think our kids can really handle the official service today."

"Station One: Pilate Condemns Jesus. Everyone on the right page?" Flish! Flash! We get through the 12 lickety-split. Everyone is focused. Everyone is interested. We keep moving down through all the Stations of the Cross. We kneel at "His Death." We kiss the cross. We pray in sympathy with Mary. We bury the body.

And then we are done.

The whole thing--maybe took ten minutes.

"Are we finished? Do we want to go to go to the playground now," Jon asked me.

"Yes!" I said.

Later when we were at our favorite city candy store (yes, I bribe my children with penny candy to attend Church!) Jon was remarking that "this was the best Stations of the Cross yet!"

"Everyone is getting older," we agreed. But then we also realized that we were getting a little less selfish. Last year, I would have tried to make our prayer time "worth more." It took so much time to get out of the house, my husband took the day off from work, I should make this holy devotion last longer and "get our money's worth..." But just for a moment, I got to let go a little of my vanity--my concern about looking pious for strangers in my church.

This Good Friday was all pleasing Jesus--not myself. If I never to get meditate for serious time in front of the cross, that is all well and good. Maybe I can meditate alone in my bedroom tonight, maybe not. Meanwhile, the short, sweet and very devoted time my teeny children spent walking the Stations of the Cross was time well spent.

So How Was Your Lent?

...It's almost here... Easter Vigil Mass!!!

I'm so excited. It's been a totally awesome Lent. I learned so much. I'm so refreshed. I'm so ready for battle.

(Which is good because tomorrow I have to figure out how to bake a pineapple glazed ham and a complicated Easter Cake.* Nothing like kitchen duty to test our recent Lenten resolves, eh? I know our parish blesses the Easter Food on Saturday. I think they should have a special "Martha Blessing" to bless the novice cooks as well!)

This Saturday will mark nine years for me being a Catholic. A special shout-out to Dame Betty Beguiles who is celebrating conversion year 10. Any other converts out there?


(Miss Tharen, still plenty of room left at my Easter Table! If Mass and a sloppy bunny cake don't lure you to my place, a cute, crawling Baby Tess should! :-)

Sometimes Your Cardinal Just Hits It Out of the Park!

I love, love, LOVE my Archbishop, Cardinal Donald Wuerl. He's the chairman of the US Bishop's Committee on Doctrine and he had an interesting metaphor for describing the Bishops teaching role on theological matters of the Catholic faith.

"In a tennis match, it is not the player who called the balls 'out of bounds' but the referee. The player may object that it was not his or her intention to hit the ball out of bounds. He or she may even question whether the ball is out of bounds. But it is the referee who must make the call. Otherwise, there can be no coherent game, no enjoyment of the match, no sense of progress in learning the sport; In short the 'tennis game" would devolved into a fruitless exchange of individuals hitting the ball at will."

... "So it is in academic theological investigation. If it is to be directed towards a fruitful deepening of our understanding, then it cannot be an exchange of individuals hitting the ball randomly. Once ideas are written and published by a theologian, they must stand on their own; it is the bishops who are entrusted with the office of referee, who must call play."(Catholic Standard, April 21, 2011 pg 14).

Adorable Moments in Mass

It was an ordinary moment during the Palm Sunday Mass. The Passion Play was painful to me. The inexpert readers kept losing their places.

Baby Tess was teething and fussy. Alex had his feet up in the air and his head down on the ground at one point. So when my three year old, Maria said "Mama!" I didn't immediately turn around. I sort of figured that some sibling was poking her with a hymnal.

Maria said it again. "MAMA! Let's go save Him!"

In my kid's mind, this passion play was real and describing a new event. My determined Maria had already jumped down off her pew and was about to race up the center aisle. She wanted my help to get those men to stop hurting "her Jesus."

Calling All St. Francis De Sales Fans

I just hit upon a gem of a book "The Spiritual Combat and a Treatise On Peace of the Soul" by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli. This is the book that St. Francis De Sales carried in his pocket and supposedly read every day.

I just started but its blowing my mind open. Here's a sample quote:

"We shall see clearly that it is greater to despise the world than to have it at one's command; that it is infinitely preferable to submit to the humblest of men for God's sake, than to command kings and princes; that an humble knowledge of ourselves surpasses the deepest sciences; in short that great praise is due to him who curbs his passions on the most trivial occasions, than to him who conquers the strongest cities, defeats entire armies, or even works miracles." (pg 20)

"One Man's Lenten Preparation for His First Easter in Heaven"

(here are some clips from a wonderful article by Father Peter J. Daly which appeared in the April 21, 2011 edition of the Catholic Standard. Father Daly writes about the last Lenten resolutions by Bill Gaiser, an 84 year old former St. John Vianney Parishioner who died recently.)

"During Lent and throughout the year:

Give up resentment; decide to forgive.
Give up hatred; decide to return good for evil.
Give up complaining; decide to be grateful.
Give up pessimism; decide to be optimistic.
Give up worry; decide to be trusting.
Give up sadness; decide to be hopeful.
Give up anger; decide to be patient.
Give up pettiness; decide to be noble.
Give up gloom; decide to be joyful."

Isn't that just incredible? I love how it's phrased as "give up"... and then "decide to.." Mr Gaiser paired the vices and virtues so nicely together. I found those words at the end of Lent, but they will guide me in becoming an "Easter Person" after the Resurrection.

Father Daly goes on to say "God does not really care much if we give up chocolate or TV. It may help discipline us, but it does not really conform us more to the heart of Christ. As we grow closer to Christ, we really want to give up the "bad attitudes" that are the opposite of the beatitudes." (Catholic Standard, pg 11)

Sometimes I get confused that being a Christian is "rocket science." I sit around and wait for virtues to float down from heaven. I get frustrated often that I'm not turning into a good enough person fast enough. But this little litany is so focused. It narrows the Christian life down to a moment by moment choices--the heart beat of grace. Give up the bad! Decide to do Good. Over. And Over. And Over again.

Have A Holy Daring This Lent

Live Strong! Pray hard! Detach! Lent is our training time to hop up a few more steps towards sainthood.

A little inspiration from my bff, St. Teresa of Avila:

"God deliver us, Sisters, when we do something imperfect from saying; "We're not angels, we're not saints." Consider that even though we're not, it is a great good to think that if we try we can become saints with God's help. And have no fear that He will fail if we don't fail. . . The presumption I would like to see present in this house, for it always make humility grow, is to have a holy daring; for God helps the strong and He shows no partiality."

The Way of Perfection, Chapt. 17, pg 98.

I'm fasting from this blog for the next six weeks. I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone after Easter Vigil!

National Geographic - Inside The U.S. Secret Service - Game Day

I used this documentary as a metaphor to explain Lent to my young son. The Secret Service has some awesome spiritual parallels to us Catholic spiritual warriors. Human nature commands us to duck whenever we hear gun shots. Yet through great effort, the Secret Service train their body to turn TOWARDS gunfire in order to protect the life of the President. In a similar fashion, it's human nature to shy away from suffering. Lent, however, asks us to train our bodies with fasting to turn towards suffering in order to help protect the souls of others.

"A Ray of Sunshine Spreading Joy Where She Goes"

Read this sweet post how a loving priest helped a Non-Catholic at a vulnerable time.
I love you Miss Betty Beguiles!

Getting Ready to Shut Down for Lent

The Fruit of Silence . . is Prayer! (Mother Teresa)

I'm getting ready to start my six week computer fast starting on Wednesday.

Detachment is so hard! How will I EVER survive!!!

Happy Lent--Divine Union Awaits!

40 days of Lent!

How close are you climb towards Sainthood in the next 40 days?

Words of encouragement from last Sunday's homily by my Carmelite buddy, Father Dan:

(Not only to say "Lord, Lord" but to do the will of the Father.
9th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A: March 6, 2011
Deut 11:18, 26-28; 32; Ps 31; Rom 3:21-25, 28; Matt 7:21-27)

"Our Lord’s words are meant to shake us: they are meant to shake us free. They are meant to lead us to joy; they are meant to fill us with peace. Our Lord knows how much we believe already; and he says, “Let me help your unbelief.” [cf. Mark 9:24] Our Lord knows how far we’ve come by faith; and he says, “Onward and upward!” Sainthood awaits. Beatitude, total blessedness, awaits. Divine union awaits.

And not only in the next life; but even blessings in this one. For, as we heard, whether we act upon his words or not, this life will bring us rain and floods and winds. The difference is that, if we not only listen to his words but also act upon them, our house will not collapse but it will stand—if we have built our house upon his rock rather than upon our own sand.

Brothers and sisters, isn’t it time to lay aside every burden, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and once again to run with endurance the race that lies before us? [Heb 12:1] Our Lord in his mercy gives us the season of Lent that begins this Wednesday: not just one day for New Year’s Resolutions but 40 days of grace to throw off those burdens and sins. 40 days to be free to give of ourselves, and receive what we need most, in prayer and acts of giving.

40 days to not only say “Lord, Lord” but to do the will of the Father. Onward and upward! Sainthood awaits. Beatitude, total blessedness, divine union awaits. Take courage and be stouthearted, all you who hope in the Lord."

Read the whole homily here.

The Virtue of Hospitality

A few months ago, I wrote a piece about how St. Elizabeth Ann Seton extended small gifts of hospitality as a married woman to her estranged father. Despite being abandoned by her Father during her childhood, St. Elizabeth "made a home for her Father at her house."

Her example really inspired me to better practice the virtue of hospitality in my own family. I'm an adult convert and my Catholic faith has been the source of many tense conversations with my parents as I slowly changed from obessed Career Girl into a stay at home Mommy with baby, after baby, after baby, after baby attached to my hip.

St. Elizabeth encouraged me to do something simple to set the tone for a relaxed family visit from the start: Serve Tea when my parents come to visit.

With my husband's help on Saturday, I not only managed to clean the living room, feed the baby and dress four kids in a fresh set of clothes.

I also washed the tea set that I inhertited from my maternal grandma....

 

ironed a table cloth that I inherited from my paternal grandma and cheerfully served coffee to my visiting parents!

Simple signs of love that paid great dividens!

 

(look at my relaxed smile! Only took 8 years of gulping down the Eucharist! :-)

Guess the Baby--Revised

Here are four baby pictures of my kids, 3 are old and one was taken last week. Which Baby is Baby Tess?

 

Baby A

 

Baby B

 

Baby C

 

Baby D

Devotionals

(for Danya part II)

Since I became a Carmelite, I've really shaved off most of my devotionals. I'm an adult convert to the church. The rosary still feels exotic to me.

There was a time three years into my conversion, where I was collecting all kinds of devotionals like shiny medals in a row. Johnny and I just had layers and layers of them.

Now as a Carmelite, everything is pretty simple and streamlined.

As a Carmelite, I'm committed to 3 types of prayer; the Mass, the Liturgy of the Hours (Morning and Evening Prayer), and at least 1/2 an hour of prayer of the quiet. As an unformed newbie in Catholic motherhood, I'm not remotely hitting all 90 minutes of prayer and getting to Mass each day. I'm not adding any "new" devotionals until I get my Carmelite prayer life in order.

Here's my simple list:

I wear my brown scapular.
I pray my "Morning Offering" with my husband in our hallway before he leaves for work.
I've got Holy Pictures hung in my house that I like to look at when there is "trouble" with my vocation during the day.
I rent Saint movies from Netflix.

Advice on How to Pray the Liturgy of the Hours

(for Danya. Totally ironic that you are asking me for advice because this was the part of Carmelite Life that I hated at first! It seemed so boring, repetitive, and pointless! Now it is one of my favorite parts of the day.)

The Liturgy of the Hours is a set of prayers and Scripture Passages that the entire world wide Catholic Church prayers at different hours of the day. You'll be praying the SAME prayers as the Pope and your local parish priest. (In fact, I've got a picture of my smiling Cardinal Wurel above my prayer station because I love remembering that I'm praying with him!)

There are a ton of graces that come from praying "with" the entire Church in the privacy of your own home. I love discovering new Saints and vivid explanations of Scripture passages which always seemed mysterious and remote.

The longest and most important part of the Liturgy is called "the Office of the Readings." These are two long passages which come from either the Old Testament, the New Testament, or writings from the Saints. You can pick which time of day you want to read the "Office Readings". Most people do them first thing in the morning. Then you sing a hymn, read some Psalms and say some intercessory prayers.

As a Carmelites, my husband and I pray Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer. (We're encouraged to pray Night Prayer before bed but I personally haven't yet established a stable bedtime routine with so many young kids in my house.)Meanwhile, priests and Religious pray all the prayers, which are something like six times a day.

Helpful Hints:

a) First find a Liturgy of the Hours book. The prayers are available free on line. I really enjoy praying with an actual book in my hand instead of reading from a computer screen. This is the complete set of 4 books for the entire Church Calendar year at a decent price. We bought each of our books one at a time for around $45 dollars each from the National Shrine. (A new book will be starting for Lent & Easter). Make sure you've got a little "cheat sheet" that tells you where to turn for Feast Days and Special Saints Days.

If you'd like to start in the "baby pool", check out the a single condensed version called "Shorter Christian Prayer:Liturgy of the Hours." for only $11. This is a simple, four week cycle with special readings for Easter and Advent. You can learn to swim easily without getting lost. It will build up your confidence and insure your $160 prayer book investment won't set unused in your bookcase.

b)grab a "Liturgy of the Hours Partner" in your house. Hopefully, Hubs. This type of intense prayer time is like training for a marathon--WAY more fun if you practice with someone else.

c) pick a specific time to start praying. Start with a time to do Office of the Readings each day. Go slow! This is a prayer marathon, not a prayer sprint. It's not about rushing through the entire six prayer set in one day. It's about slowly building up a feasible prayer schedule for the rest of your life.

d) be strategic about WHERE you pray. I usually pray on the living room couch with my husband. We are "available" to little babies in need. I've discovered if my kids can see me praying, then they usually don't interrupt me half as much as if I'm hiding in a closet trying to get my quiet time with Jesus.

d) be flexible. Life is going to get crazy and you're going to fall off the Liturgy prayer schedule. We are not in a convent. We have messy, needy, unpredictable people in our lives. Be gentle with yourself and remember this prayer schedule is "optional for lay people." At the same time, when my life was REALLY falling apart I clung to this prayer routine. It's a solid rock under your feet in times of sickness, stress or fear.

If anyone has more helpful hints, be sure to chime in!

Thoughts on Evangelical Poverty--From St. Augustine

(From Todays Daily Office, St. Augustine's Confessions)

Pity the prosperity of this world, pity it once and again, for it corrupts joy and brings the fear of adversity. Pity the adversity of this world, pity it again, then a third time; for it fills men with a longing for prosperity, and because because adversity itself is hard for them to bear and can even break their endurance. Is not the life of man upon earth a trial, a continuous trial?