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Top Twelve Ways to Piss Off Your OB As A Pro-Life Catholic Woman

alec vanderboom

(For Rebecca)

1. Get pregnant after age 35.

2. Get pregnant after having two or more previous c-sections

3. Describe your family of five or more children as "small." Talk tearfully of the multiple miscarriages and years of secondary infertility during routine questions about your medical history.

4. Admit that you have no idea when you conceived this baby because you and your husband were hitting the sex "hot and heavy" during the romantic month of February.

5. Groan loudly when a nurse asks if you've tried to treat overwhelming mourning sickness with "crackers and some ginger ale." Remind her that this is not your "first time at the rodeo!"

6. Roll your eyes when the recommendations over the amount of coffee, red wine, Tylenol, potentially mercury poisoned fish, et al, have changed radically since your last pregnancy. Remind the doctor that you know these newest recommendations are pretty much just "fads" since you were just here 18 months ago.

7. Remind your doctor that Catholics are not Jehovah Witness, so you can have a blood transfusion.

8. Refuse a prescription for The Pill at the 6 week post-natal check-up.

9. Ask for the remains of a miscarriage so you can bury your child with dignity.

10. When your doctor gives you grief for passing on the early Down Syndrome Test, remind him that for the last baby you spent 3 weeks at the Children's Hospital NICU. Say "I went into this pregnancy with my eyes wide open!"

11. When the doctor asks "Was this a planned pregnancy?" cheerfully answer "Planned by God Himself!"

12. Get pregnant two weeks before your scheduled hysterectomy.