I've still got a selfish heart post-Lent.
Yet it is slightly better today.
I'm asking myself today, "Why am I blogging?" The answer is different from what I would have said 40 days ago. I don't know what it is exactly--I can't articulate it easily--but it feels delicious to be asking these questions as "self-reference" questions rather than as "what should I be doing on my blog?" or "what do you think I should be doing?"
I think my walk with God is deeply personal. There are things that are so deep in my prayer life, that I have trouble finding words to talk about them with my husband--the one man who knows me best on this earth.
But there are other things that are "public"--things that you can talk about fairly easily with others. There are new ideas that I mine like gold in my daily interactions with God and the blog is a place to meet with other "rock collectors" and share our discoveries.
The beauty of the Christian life, is that while our relationship with Jesus is intimate and unique--there are these common themes. Everyone has similar struggles. The process of detachment from the world and cleansing from sin. The need for courage and hope. The exhaustion of a life spent serving those we love. The unexpected joy that takes root in your soul, just when you least expect it.
It doesn't matter if you are a priest, or a Sister, or a monk or a lay person.
It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, an American, or an African.
There is a "community" among people who struggle to get to know who this guy Jesus really is. Not the guy they "think he is" or "think he should be."
St Paul says "Encourage each other daily, while it is still today!" (Hebrews)
I hope that my blog becomes more of a source of encouragement to others. I pray even more seriously that my whole life is a prayer of cheerfulness and encouragement. I'm learning that being "cheerful" in the spiritual life doesn't mean that I'm not often sad, or discouraged, or tired, or "dry in prayer"--true cheerfulness a supernatural thing. Joy is a gift.
The best gifts, like the surprised gifts of a Cadbury chocolate bars, taste sweeter when you share them with others that you love. So thank you, dear readers, for being a part of my "online community" and helping in my spiritual growth. Happy Easter! May we all grow in hope, faith, and love during this beautiful Easter Season.