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Anti-Harried Wives Club: Restoring Your Sexual Purity

alec vanderboom

My husband is my virgin. I am his.

When I became a Catholic, I confessed my past sexual impurity. I was married at the time of my First Confession. I regretted it. I got cleansed.

Years into my marriage, however, I started to really feel the regret. I was horrified. I couldn't believe that I let my husband down this way, that I let down God, that I let down myself.

That was all spiritual pride. That was all bad theology. That was all deep shame that was mucking up my connection to my body and to my marriage.

If God forgave you, let it Go! You aren't just someone who has a "second rate" Catholic marriage-- a little consolation prize for those of us sinners who got our wedding rings blessed by a priest. You have the precious gift of a sacramental marriage. You are the prize Virgin! You have the Bridegroom's Heart--both your spouse's heart and the heart of Jesus Christ, Lord of Lords.

Do not keep dragging out that lumpy second-rate feeling of "I wish I was a Virgin on my Wedding Night"  into your bedroom ten years later. Get it out! Go pray. Talk to your spouse. Make your husband or wife dump out all their guilt too.

Virginity is about purity. Its not some "technical" thing--it's about having a pure heart. When Jesus forgives our sin, we're restore as pure as new fallen snow. We need to get that right in our heads in and in our marriage beds--because we are supposed to living a Song of Songs life.

Jesus is the Bridegroom. At death, he will come to claim us and we will be the Bride bedecked in all her jewels. We married couples have a unique way to be chaste while experiencing that type of "being uniquely wanted" here on earth.


(Hat tip: It sounds crazy but I really credit Christian Romance writer Deeanne Gist's two books "Deep in the Heart of Trouble," and "Bride Most Begrudging" for encouraging me to dump this lie and embrace all of that deep Theology of the Body stuff in my heart as well as my head.)