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Anti-Harried Wife Syndrome Part V, Are You Having Enough Sex?

alec vanderboom

We have a sex crisis in American culture. It is insane. We hear a lot about the crisis of sexuality that goes on outside of a sacramental marriage--all bad! But there is another hidden crisis of sex--we're not having enough sex inside of marriage!

Again, be a social anthropologist for a moment. How many married women think it is completely okay to be too tired for sex for months at a time? I admit it. I was one. There are all kinds of excuses, mostly I'm too tired after an exhausting day of caring for your children!

Here is a quote, from a source not usually on my radar (or my blog)--I was doing some research for a single girlfriend of mine online and this insight smacked me between the eyes yesterday.

From Greg Behrendt's book "He's Just Not That Into You,"

"I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction.  It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all your going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call."

(Sorry Jesus for using profanity on my blog, I felt it sort of added an important element to this quote.)

So here is the thing wives, we all use the "I'm to tired honey, don't take it personally" line--but it's all a bunch of baloney.  Our job is to love our husbands. That marital promise is not covered by a tiny peck on the cheek for weeks on end.

I want to stick up for men in general here. My husband is a gentleman. He is not going to insist on his right to love making when I'm puking from a migraine, or in the death throes of agony in morning sickness, or even weeping after the much anticipated pregnancy test is negative for yet another month.

My husband might encourage me to let myself get into the mood when I'm depressed about a homeschooling failure, or a fight with my mother, or a failure to lose weight soon enough after childbirth. That's not him being inconsiderate of me, that's him loving me.

If you find yourself often being "too busy" or "too tired" for sex, something is seriously wrong. Ask God for help, and fix it. Take a vitamin. Start running. Quit a Committee. Hire a babysitter. Call a friend. See a therapist. The one thing to usually avoid is blaming your husband.

My adaption of Mr. Behrednt's quote for Christian wives, is "when we claim we're too busy for sex with our husbands, we're not being right, we're being jerks."