God is in charge.
I'm applying for charity from two hospitals, so we might not need to zero out the IRA.
Yet, because God is in charge, not me--I need to be ready to make that sacrifice.
(It's not a lot of money, we're poor Carmelites. Our IRA is small. Compared to the gigantic hospital bills that Baby Tess incurred from a 26 day NICU stay, our co-payment portion is equal to a single day of her NICU room & board charges. Everything else is already paid for by our health insurance company)
The sacrifice of our IRA is painful because it represents a sacrifice of my dream of buying a house soon for our family.
For the past three years, we'd saved a tiny bit of Jon's paycheck in an IRA hoping to use the proceeds for a down-payment on a real house.
I've puttered through my life afraid and bitter for a week. "This is it! Apartment Living FOREVER!"
God loves me so much. This week he healed my heart through episodes of Reality Television. (Yeah, this is the productive way I've spent my time this week. Tessy has a cold. We've been stuck in my bed nursing CONSTANTLY. Instead of doing my prayers, I've been watching hours of old reality TV shows on Netflix. I love Jesus because He meets you where you are!)
I saw lots of families who had beautiful huge houses and were very unhappy.
I'll take my healed Tess, my large family, and my small apartment. I'll detach more from wealth and my selfish, tainted dream to become a more "normal" housewife--one who owns an actual house, on an actual block, with real neighbors next door. I'll trade it all for greater "freedom of the heart."