Our Engagement Story

For Betty.

I met my husband in Madison, Wisconsin during my final semester of law school in January, 2000. Since I knew I was heading out of town, I classified our relationship as "fun" and "short term" from the start. My husband himself was waiting start graduate school in Upstate New York in the Fall. Since Jon was leaving Madison as well, I made my first job decision completely independent of him. I choose a new job 500 miles away.

Then came my graduation in May.

I didn't want to leave my boyfriend.

So I paid $2,500 in late fees to take the Illinois Bar in July (instead of studying for practically free in my native West Virginia) just so I'd have an excuse to stick Madison for the summer.

Finally, it was time to say goodbye in August.

Then my boyfriend helped me find a rental home at my new job in Ohio, tied my futon on his red Jeep, and moved me in. He even left me his beloved dog, Sarah, for my protection because he didn't completely trust my new neighborhood.

I remember Sarah and I both pressing our nose against the glass door of my new house, watching Jon drive away in his new red Jeep, off to start his first week of graduate school ten hours away. We'd never, ever discussed our future together and as far as I knew, Jon was still a completely commitment phobic boy who shopped at Urban Outfitter. "At least I know he's coming back," I thought rubbing Sarah's tummy. "He left his dog with me."

Five days later, Jon came down for a weekend visit. I cooked him an enormous eggplant boat dinner. He was hours late from traffic and the egg plant got all burnt and rubbery. After dinner we were kissing when Jon suddenly shot up and said "I'm going to get you that lock down for your garage." Oddest non sequitur I've ever encountered. He was insistent, "No this is REALLY going to bother me. I won't be able to sleep tonight unless that task is done. I'm going out to Kroger to get you one right now."

My boyfriend left for ONE HOUR. I had no idea where he went because the grocery store (Kroger's) was right up my street. "He must have gotten lost," I thought back in the era before easy cell-phone connections.

In boredom, I moved into my living room and started reading a new collection of short stories. In my story, a girlfriend got a surprise proposal-- "that's so unrealistic," I murmurred. Every girl must have some idea that her boy is at least thinking about marriage.

More than one hour later, Jon comes in breathless into my living room. " Did you get lost," I asked?

"No I got an Orange Soda, and Your Lock" he called as he rushed into my bathroom. "He's acting so weird," I thought and went back to my book.

The next thing I knew, Jon was on one knee saying "Will you marry me?" with a bubble gum ring in his hand.

I said YES.

And we kissed.

And then Jon told me how he'd been thinking about getting me a ring during all the ten hour trip to my house but hadn't seen anything on the road. In desperation he fled my house but he still couldn't find anything late at night in a strange, new town. Just as he was about to return to my house empty handed, he saw "a choir of angels singing" over a bubble gum ring machine at Krogers. He spent 2 dollars in Kroger's trying to find just exactly the right plastic ring for me.

I keep my plastic bubble gum ring in an honored place in my jewelery box.

Life With My New Roommate....

God Bless my younger, twenty-something brother who has graciously agreed to share living quarters for a month with his Old Fogy Sister and her family of six as we wait impatiently for our closing date on the new house.

Here's a little taste of life in our new digs....

"MOM!" Hannah shouts up from the basement stairs, "Alex spelled root beer all over Uncle Tad's carpet."

I fall into the sin of rash judgement and mumble loudly all down the basement stairs, "How could this accident happen? I told you all NO FOOD downstairs! Who brought a root beer downstairs? How did you guys even FIND root beer in this house? I certainly never bought you any soda pop recently!"

I get to the basement and discover....

That my son had accidentally kicked over a REAL beer which my brother left on the floor in the basement TV room.

Hmmm... can't fault my son. Can't fault my legally above the drinking age brother.... Thank heavens for my trusty steam-cleaner.

Urgent Prayer Request

Please pray for my dear Carmelite friend, Jennifer Higdon. She lost 3 nieces yesterday in a tragic car accident.

Here is the report from our Carmelite prayer group:


"Please pray for Jennifer Higdon’s brother-in-law and his wife, Jimmy and Jenny Higdon. Three of their daughters, Danielle and Jenelle Pippins (twin eight year olds) and Savannah (age 11) were killed tragically in a car accident yesterday in Florida.

May the Angels lead them into Paradise.
May the Martyrs receive them at their coming and take them to Jerusalem , the Holy City .
May the Choirs of the Angels receive them, and may they, with the once poor Lazarus, have rest everlasting.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May their souls, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Please pray for their surviving siblings, five of them, as they grieve this unimaginable loss. Also pray for strength for Jimmy and Jenny that the Lord will embrace them in this time of darkness. O God, you give us the blessing of children to cherish, and in your wisdom and love you sometimes call them home to you before us. You entrusted them to us and we now entrust them to your care and love. Please listen to our humble prayer: grant that someday we may be reunited in glory in Your Presence."

Added later: Please also pray for the girl's grandmother, Diane, who was critically injured in the same accident.

Home-schooling--Feeling Lost Again

I don't know what God will have us do next year for school for my 9, 6 and 4 year old. I'm making plans for home-schooling. I'm assuming that where we're going. But it's really weird to lack some firm ideas anymore.

I feel like we sort of got 'boxed' into home-schooling by God. Home-schooling was NOT anything that I wanted or felt comfortable doing before I leaped into the deep end.

Jon & I went to public school and assumed our kids would too. Because we lived in a cheap rental with rather distressed families around us in a D.C. suburb, we sort of flipped out when we thought about putting our little five year old on the bus with the kids she wasn't allowed play with unchaperoned on the playground with. Public school was out. And Catholic school was out also because a) it was completely expensive (I laughed out loud when I read the meager multiple sibling deductions from my parish), b) I thought it had got infected with with crummy academic ideas from the nearby "hot" public schools (expensive wipe boards do NOT replace real science labs) and c) I saw a lot of things that made me concerned about the "Catholicness" of the instruction.

So three years ago, I officially started "homeschooling."

It was awesome. It was great. Everything went totally "swimmingly." I nicknamed my home-school "the Sacred Heart Academy", bought everyone Catholic uniforms and had a grand time marching out on field trips all over the D.C. area.

Until this year, when we sort of had the "youngest sister in the NICU hand grenade" thrown into the mix.

The truth is, I pretty much lost most of our Fall Semester.

In January, I throw my unschooling theory out into the wind and adopted a "reading bootcamp" for my struggling to read independently second grader. I found out that my kid is flawed in her approach to homework and I'm flawed in my approach to teaching. I had a knock out inner brawl to get some fortitude in my heart.

The amazing part, is that now my girl is really starting to enjoy books. And I'm more humbled as a teacher. I don't think I'm the "bee's knees" at teaching anymore. But I do think that there is not a single person who is going to take MORE time to iron out each of my quirky children's reading challenges and do it in a more prayerful way, than me, their Mom.

That's the story. After this weird year, I'm humbled and I'm strengthened. I really don't know what will happen next.

Now that there is a good Catholic school in our new parish, and we'll probably have some tuition money to spend, will Hannah transition to St. Joesph's? Am I home-schooling all my kids until they can learn how to read in 3rd grade? Was this just a three year process to help both Mother and Daughter fix their hearts for heaven? Or are we riding this home-schooling wave all the way to High School like we planned?

Never ever a dull moment as a Catholic Mama!

Jesus, I trust in you.

For Dawn, Abigail's New House

I don't have any personal pictures yet of our new place, this is from the seller's website. Not shown is the basement, which is "part-way" finished. There is a fourth bedroom, a family room and the beginning of a bathroom.

(Sorry, I took down the video because it had our address listed on the top)

Anyone have ideas for how to decorate a double girl's bedroom with sloping roof? Cheap and pretty backyard fence ideas? How about cooking for six in an extremely small kitchen? (I've only got one counter and not much room to add an island because of the swinging door from the fridge).

Time Is Crawling By.....

10 days into a 30 day stay in a foreign house...

expect lots of posts soon.

Or maybe not!

I might have accidentally packed my "blogging brain" in a currently missing box just like I've packed up the rest of my life!

We Have a New House!

Bank has come back with the final appraisal, everything is A OK! We are GO for launch!

Just to give God the credit here is a brief time line of the Benjamin house hunt.

2001 Abby & Jon wed

2003 Abby & Jon have first kid

2004 Abby quits her job (she was the larger breadwinner and only source of health insurance) while pregnant with second kid

2004 Abby and Jon open their own business. It fails.

Fall 2005- Winter 2006 Abby and Jon move 3 times, to 3 different states trying to find a job for Jon with enough income to support a family.

Feb 2006 move into current 2 bedroom apartment in a Maryland Suburb of Washington D.C.

2008 First House Hunting search. Epic failure!

2010 Second House Hunting search. Repeat failure.

Summer 2010 Abby cries in Target, says to God "all I want is to be the happy Mom with a house and a minivan. Why did you give me an eye for beauty when all I can afford to buy is total ugliness!"

Summer 2010, Abby and Jon decide to post-pone house hunt until six months after Baby Tess arrives

August 30, 2010 Tess arrives. Spends 3 weeks in Children's National Hospital. Her hospital bills threaten to wipe out our entire house hunting fund and threaten to mess up our only recently reestablished good credit reports.

Winter 2010, Abby and Jon decide that God must want them to rent "for the foreseeable future" Turn down chance to move to 3 bedroom in same apartment complex because it's a 3rd floor walk-up.

Middle of Lent 2011, Abby get's surprise call from apartment office. They refuse to allow us to resign lease in current apartment because we have "too many kids." Complete shock.

Lent 2011 Can't find an affordable 3 bedroom in our neighborhood. Run into problems with moving into special "low income" apartment building near our church

Lent 2011 Decide to table apartment hunt for remaining 2 weeks of Lent. Want to focus on preparing for Easter.

Easter Day find prefect house rental within 2 miles. Jon says "we can't afford to turn on the heat if we pay that amount of rent per month." Abby considers issuing parkas for all children to wear on the inside during winter. Go on line, find affordable places to BUY in a small town 50 minutes away.

Late April Discover we qualify for a special federal home loan with near miracle terms.

May 9, 2010 Put offer in on first gleaming house. Offer falls apart within 48 hours.
(Abby cries!)

May 15, 2010 Find second house in better neighborhood. Get lots of back-up houses nearby.

May 16, 2010. Discover house has a cracked foundation. 99% of our 12 back-up houses already have contracts on them. (Abby cries again).

May 18, 2010 Put offer in on third choice home, which just came on the market on May 13th.

May 20, 2010 Offer accepted.

House passes Home inspection.

June 10, 2010 Bank passes special loan appraisal. The Benjamin's have a new home. Closing date is scheduled for June 29, 2011.

Thank you St. Joseph!

Guess Which Talk I Plan On Attending?

I'm hoping to attend my first ever home-school conference tomorrow. The contrast BETWEEN these two talks where just too funny.

Option A

Controlling the Chaos: Managing
Housework and Schoolwork

Having trouble balancing schoolwork, caring for babies, and housework? The key to getting it all done, while remaining serene and confident, is to simplify. Clutterfree rooms, regular household routines, an orderly curriculum, and straightforward discipline really work.

or Option B

Discovering God in the Pots and Pans

This talk is a reminder from a Carmelite
that changing diapers and ecstatic prayer
are not mutually exclusive. There are not
“two ways” of holiness and “two heavens” to
attain–one for the contemplative and one for
the active. All are called to deep prayer, even
when being faithful to the daily duties of our
state in life seems to belie that reality.

Please excuse me while I jump up on my internet soap box for a moment. PEOPLE! There are snake oil salesman the pedal "quick" spiritual fixes. Avoid them! You can't eat one simple pill to lose weight. You can't adapt one simple domestic routine that will effortlessly combine home-schooling, home-making and deep spiritual development.

I have no doubt that Home-schooling Mom of Option A has great intentions. I'm sure she has a much smoother house hold routine, with many more children, than me a lowly, frazzled Carmelite.

I'd like to tell her, "Sister your helpful advice doesn't really help me. Do you know what really made my home-schooling a challenge this year. ..

One, I had a baby that almost croaked in the NICU.

And two, I got a surprise eviction for having "too many kids" that left me with only 60 days to find new living quarters for my family in a far away town."

Both of the curve balls came directly from Jesus himself. The preventative cure of a "clutter free" room was not going to really help me survive either crisis. And while having a steady household routine helped my family, getting the energy to do the laundry when my whole world was falling apart wasn't a matter of following an established routine. It was a supernatural effect of living a life of Grace.

I feel so strongly that generalize "advice" giving is generally so useless.

Our families are as beautiful and unique as snowflakes. Making them "work" is not a one size fits all solution.

Yes, we can share techniques about how best to take bubble gum out of satin church dresses, which Karate teacher is the most fun, and which piano books contain Roman Catholic hymns.

We can't not, however, take the Cross out of Homeschooling- or Catholic home life in general.

There will be days that the laundry doesn't get done. (Hopefully one reason is that you are saying a rosary beside a sick neighbor's kid in Children's Hospital) And there will be days when we must force ourselves do laundry on laundry day, even when we're sick with the stomach flu ourselves.

But the only way to know with certainty HOW to manage the overwhelming task of home-maker, wife, teacher, daughter, sibling, and friend is to regularly talk with God, the One who made us in his image.

Schools Out For Summer!

Passed my home-school review today!

Jesus even throw me a curve ball. The reviewer we've had for the past 3 1/2 years had a family emergency this morning. So I had to explain my thinnest ever portfolio to a total stranger. (Hannah's reading struggles, Tessy's teething issues and our emergency housing hunt each took a huge bites of time from our Spring semester).

We still passed!

We still got to see the angelic Mrs. Lee afterwards to give her our gift and take some treasured photos.

I felt Jesus himself was saying "Don't worry about the new home-schooling rules in West Virginia. It's ME who takes care of your kid's home-school reviews, not Mrs. Lee."

Romance

The big buzz word at my last Carmelite Meeting was

ROMANCE

Do you feel Jesus "romancing" your soul?

He is!

What is your Apostolate?

What special talents do each of you share for the glory of the Church?

I got mine: "Cheerful Conversation."

I used to think that my talent was sort of pathetic. Instead of starting up friendships in church social halls, I'd troll the "help needed" parts of my church bulletin. I worked in soup kitchens, on the purificator committee, and my favorite mistake (for a girl who regularly reverses numbers and is math challenged) as an anti-predatory lending attorney for the poor.

I got trapped into thinking that doing something for Jesus needed to be something "hard" and "important."

Then I spent some massive time hanging around the NICU this fall.

My God given, innate talent at "cheerful conversation" is NOT a small, useless art after all.

This humble little apostolate is keeping me sane during this challenging transition of waiting 4 weeks to move into a new community.

Anyone else want to share their prayer journey on this topic?

Hidden Treasures

I'm preparing for my role as a first-time house owner by hanging out for 3 weeks in the ranch house my grandmother, Mrs. Jean McCormick Gableman, moved into in 1951.* My grandma spent the first 8 years of her marriage living in boarding homes during WWII while my grandpa fought over seas, and then in small apartments due to the housing shortage during Washington D.C.'s explosive growth after the war. Moving into her first house, the same one she lived in until she died at age 83, was an extremely big deal for Grandma Jean.

I love feeling close to her memory this month. Yesterday, I chatted with three of her old neighbors. In a time of constant change, it's surreal to chat with 90 year olds who coo over my new Baby Tess and remember what my own eyes looked like as a baby.

I'm also finding hidden treasures of Grandma Jean all over her house. Here's a story from her Congressional Club Cookbook of 1975.

"Being Congressional woman, the organizers of the Club decided that they would like to have their club incorporated by and Act of Congress. Accordingly, Congressman Julius Kahn of California, husband of one of the Club's Vice Presidents, introduced a bill for that purpose on May 20, 1908. However, Congress John Sharp Williams, husband of another one of the Club's Vice-Presidents, opposed all women's clubs in general and he proceeded to filibuster...

As Congress was preparing to adjourn the following day, there was no time to lose. Accordingly, Mrs. Williams rose to the occasion. Looking her prettiest, she arrived in the House corridor and sent her card in to her husband. When he came out of the Senate chamber, Mrs. Williams announced that she had come to lunch with him. Gallant Southern gentleman that he was, Mr. Williams took her to dine, and Congressman Kahn's resolution passes while they were gone."

That story totally tickled my funny bone!



* this is the house that my mother moved into at age 5 and is currently home to my younger brother who works on Capital Hill.

Back Online

YAHOO!

My dear husband is the BEST. I thought I was going to be off-line for a full four weeks and was taking the unplugged challenge bravely. My dear husband knows what a sacrifice that is for a blogger, so his first order of business was to figure out how to get my brother's wireless modem working with our family's old school PC.

He's a miracle worker!

Light Blogging Ahead

I'm leaving my old apartment tonight and moving into my brother's place. Hopefully, we'll be in the new house by July 1st. Happy Summer everyone!

Why I'm Glad I'm Catholic

Because when my 8 year old daughter looks at me with hurt amazement that in a house full of packing chaos I do not know where a miniature piece to her doll house is currently resting I can say calmly "I have no idea dear, go ask your OTHER Mother, Mommy Mary."

Thanks for having my back Mom!

Woman Beaten by Her Laundry Pile

Miss Abigail graciously admitted defeat by her laundry pile at 1:35 PM.

"I hung on until the end," she said emphatically "I didn't want to admit it was over until it was over. Yet despite my best efforts, we will have to complete our move with piles of dirty laundry in various clothes hampers."

Miss Abigail modestly concedes "I fought a good fight." She didn't let 3 weeks of Spring mud, bed wetting due to unusually terrible allergies, and extreme teething drool get her down. "I wanted to get my laundry pile down to almost nothing before my move"

"Yet our camping trip pushed me over the edge," Miss Abigail stated. "You can have paper plates, you can have paper cups, but you can't go on a camping trip with paper clothes."

At this point, things look pretty hopeless for Miss Abigail. "I've realized that as a Mother of four, my laundry pile might outlast me, even until death...." Miss Abigail said with a sigh. "I'll have to remember to leave extra money for laundry soap in my Will for the Executor of my Estate. Thank heavens I have 3 girls to carry on my fight against smells and grime on the Benjamin family clothes long after I'm gone."

Because Only Danya Gets to Interrupt My Pre-Anniversary Party Plans...

Danya tagged me in a meme for my favorite Scripture passage:

John 7:37: "Out of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water."

It's my favorite passage because it sums up what I most want to become as a Carmelite-- to posses a believing heart that can water myself, my husband, my children and the strangers I pass on the street with a "river of living water."

Hope I deserve to get that printed on my tomb stone!

I'm tagging Kaitlin, Lauren, and JoAnn.

My 10th Wedding Anniversary!

10 years ago tomorrow a beautiful, double Carmelite marriage was started on June 2, 2001.

I love you honey, more than words can say. Hope I get to live a long time to prove my love for you in deeds.

 

(Jon and I on Valentine's Day, 2011)

(I got married back when we had old school wedding photographs, not digital ones (and even if I could figure out how to scan them into my computer all my picture frames are currently packed in a storage locker) so I don't have any of our gorgeous wedding photos to show online. You'll have to use your imagination)


During this anniversary season, instead of the relatively boring traditional anniversary gift of "tin" my husband

a) bought me a new silver mini van
b) bought me my first ever house AND
c) bought me a 9 person tent!

We're off to go camping tomorrow as a family of six for the first time since Miss Hannah Lynn was 3 months old. SO exciting!

Why I Love My Husband

 

Because this was a hard year. And rather than fighting, I just fell in love with him even more!

Another Tess Moment

I used to wish for my babies to grow up and do great things for the Catholic Church...

..... until I had Miss Tess.

We went to my hometown for Strawberry Festival two weeks ago and I ran into the father of one of my friends from high school.

There was a moment when Mr. Bush looked at Tess intensely and said "Wow, you would have never known that Baby was ever sick..."

Tons of people say those same words to me, but his look and the intensity of his voice was somehow different. I mentioned his statement to my Mom a few hours later.

And I found out that Mr. Bush is sick himself... with a rare form of cancer. Cancer so rare and so deadly that he gets on a plane once a month to get special treatment at Boston Hospital.

I'm amazed at my daughter. She's a loud witness to the wonder of God's love, before she's able to say a word.