Suffering Part 2

Jon and I have 3 major "go to" Scripture passages on suffering that we like to rank on a continuum of enthusisiam St.Paul, St. Peter and the St. James.

1. St. Paul tells us that we must suffer for the church. "In my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church." (Colossians 1:24).

(My random aside. Meditating on this passage brought me a lot of comfort while Bunny was in the NICU. Unlike St. Paul, I wasn't "rejoicing" that my newborn was the one slotted to have a serious birth defect that landed her in the NICU for 25 days--but I didn't lose my Faith in God during her stay, either.

Bunny was born with a complete blockage in her small intestine called "duodenal atresia." This is the reasoning I used to get myself to accept God's plan for her to be in pain in the NICU.

In the context of "making up for Christ's afflictions" Bunny's birth defect and her subsequent sufferings made sense.

God couldn't make his only son, Jesus, suffer duodenal atresia at his birth in Bethleham. Due to the limited nature of medical care in 1st Century Palestine, Jesus would have been dead within the first week. Jesus had to be born healthy enough to make it to age 33 so that he could carry the cross and die on it.

Duodenal atresia existed in Palestine,, it's existed since Adam and Eve first messed up the whole "no pain in childbirth thing." So God needed my bunny to happily carry that "duodenal atresia" cross for Christ.

Bunny showed the world that a wounded body does not separate a baby, or her family from the Love of Christ. Christ is there, in the midst of this specific birth defect called "duodenal atresia". Complete healing is even possible through prayer, and love, and great medical staff at Children's National Hospital (which I'm now even more convinced that the natural virtues of excellent medical care and the supernatural virtue of love go hand in hand after a NICU stay).

2 Verse two is from St. Peter "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in so far as you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may also be glad and shout for joy when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13).

3. On the last end of the continuum is St. James "My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kin, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4).

Let me be clear, I do NOT meet St. Jame's standard yet of experiencing "pure joy" during suffering. But my husband and I like to tease each other and shout "PURE JOY" in a very loud, funny tone whenever the other one is complaining loudly about something trivial. I hope to reach your high threshold someday St. James, someday!

St. Paul, St. Peter and St. James, pray for us!

Suffering Part 1

(2010 was the year of suffering for the Benjamin family. I want to gather my thoughts on this topic over a series of posts before Lent.)

Suffering is what separates the men from the boys in the spiritual life. I'm way too much like St. Peter, I talk big "Oh Lord, I'd die for you", then a few hours later when I'm asked to endure a hang nail for my Catholic faith-- I'm like "Jesus who?"

Suffering makes absolutely no sense without a concept of the afterlife. If this life on earth is "it" and we vaporize into a bunch of carbon molacules at death, then why not be like the seeker in Ecclesiastes and say "Come now, I will make a test of pleasure; enjoy yourself . . with silver and gold, . . . and singers, and delights of the flesh, and many concubines." (Ecc. 2: 1 & 11)

As Catholics, however, we are forewarned about "the last things": death, judgement, heaven & hell. As cool as laying in a bed with clean sheets, for a straight uninterrupted 10 hours of sleep (I'm the mother of 4 non-sleeping Benjamins kids. I long for sleep the way a drunk craves beer)

my current sacrifice of comfortable sleeping habits for the past 8 years (and the foreseeable future!) has great long term results:
a) I get to co-create more friends on earth and more souls for heaven
b) I get to work off all my purgatory time
c) I'm more likely to be in a holy place during the discomforts of my final sickness if I've got some previous practice,
d)by learning how to be nice without sleep, I'm a better person
AND e) this mysterious thing called "redemptive suffering" which basically means that IF I remember to suffer cheerfully for God (a very difficult virtue for someone as naturally whiny as me) THEN I can offer up my pain to help out other people

I hate suffering. I'm a sensitive girl. I'm like the modern the princess and the pea. I feel miserable after a new cavity filling in a back molar for 3 days straight. I hate it when my shoes pinch, or my legs are cold. I wince with agony when the "bug guy" has to step over mounds of smelly diaper trash in 15 separate Target bags in my front hallway in order to get to our kitchen.

The misery of life goes on and on.

But I love people!

For me, it helps to wind up dreaded future suffering with specific people. As a Carmelite, my prayers are for priests and sinners (which is a wide category which includes every human being on earth except for the Virgin Mary.) If I hear about someone in trouble, or who is hurting, or has a sick kid in the NICU-- I like to offer up the yucky parts of my day to them.

Just a simple way to feel connected to the wider world while in my little apartment tending to my little Catholic family.

Visit the Sick-- from your Computer Screen!

I've got an easy peasy lemon squeezy way for you to get some charity points in heaven today.

Baby Sky is a buddy from our NICU stay with daughter Tess. Sky is beautiful and healthy and sweet. She's also got some lingering health issues as a result of being a micro-premie. Her Mom recently found out that Sky is deaf. There is also a possibility that Sky may have some potential heart and brain problems that the doctors are waiting to rule out.

Ouch!

Sky is headed to Children's National Hospital for tests today.

Even though you maybe far away, here is an easy way to send some love to a sick baby and a worried Mom.

Tharen, Baby Sky's Mama, really wants to win a free Flip Phone. (I'm a Carmelite. I don't even understand what a Flip Phone is. I just know that is supposed to be super duper cool and Tharen has chatted about finding one to film her beloved daughter for over 3 months.)

So make a Mommy's day. Help Baby Sky win a free flip phone by voting for cute Sky's video on Facebook. This is the last day to vote and Sky is only losing right now by 12 votes.

Step one: log into facebook
Step two: go to this site http://www.facebook.com/BrambletonView
step three: hit "like" Brambleton at the top of the facebook page
Step Four: scroll down to the "Running Man Arm Video" submitted by Tharen
Step Five: hit "like"
Step Six: leave a nice comment
Step Seven (optional) please pray like crazy for this cute baby today.

St. Jude please give Baby Sky a Clean brain scan, and Clean heart scan. (And Tharen, since you expressed an interest....) St. Jude please get Baby Sky and her Mom Tharen baptized soon and welcomed into a friendly church home pronto!

You are all awesome! Thank you!

Thanks for you prayers! Here is the update.

Finding Union In Christ

This past Christmas I really missed the son that I miscarried in 2006. We buried Francisco in July. Somehow I always miss him the most at Christmas time, however, rather than the actual anniversary of his death.

To deal with grief this year, I search a lot of "infant loss" support groups online. It was still only a few weeks after Tessy safely returned from the NICU. Many stories touched my heart and I left a lot of supportive comments on different websites.

Over time, reading a lot of these stories "secular" websites got very draining and depressing. I found this tendency that was very striking.

This was this angry "fracturedness." Over and over again grieving parents said unless you've actually felt my pain, you can't know what it was like. It was so fractured the divisions were nonsensical. Parents said people who suffered from "stillbirth" couldn't possibly relate to someone whose premature baby died after 30 minutes. Someone whose kid died of a bone disease at 8 months couldn't relate to someone who died of a heart complication at 6 months.

There was this thought that unless your kid suffered in the exact same way, for the exact amount of time, you couldn't possibly offer compassion or understanding. "Unless you've experienced this exact same trauma, get out of here" was the message stated over and over again.

I found that experience of self-imposed isolation during grief very foreign.

There was a moment, immediately after Tessy's diagnosis, where I took a lot of comfort in visiting a website of her specific illness. There was one kind website where parents of doudenal atresia posted photos of their sick kids in the NICU next to a picture of the same child's one year birthday. See that dichotomy gave me hope on the rough day of her very first diagnosis.

Since that moment, I'm really surprised. I haven't been back to the "doudenal atresia" sites. Instead, I've found comfort and compassion very diverse sources.

For example, I bonded with fellow NICU parents with kids who suffered from wildly different issues than Tessy; premature birth, serious heart defects and hydrocephalus.

When I asked for prayers on this website, we had tons of people sending in prayers from outside of America.

And the best, most open heart people I found in my journey of grief over one dead son and one daughter born with a birth defect, are people who will never, ever face that grief themselves. . . .priests and nuns.

To be a Christian, means to carry a cross. It's heavy. It sucks. And when you run from it, usually by escaping into mortal sin, the results are catastrophic. And when you turn towards your cross, the results is luminous and beautiful.

The priests and religious have totally different crosses than us married folks, but there is a "union" in Christ.

As lay Christians, we can have radically different crosses than each other, infertility, unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, "super" fertility, sickness, infant death. Yet there is a "oneness" in Christ. We can support each other in love, even if we don't understand instinctively the unique heart-ache of another's cross.

Those are my thoughts after listening to Deacon Mike in video posted below. His unique Christian journey is so "relatable" to mine.

Deacon Mike - My Soul Proclaims

Very relatable!

Gearing Up for Lent

So this is what they are talking about --getting to know Jesus through suffering!

To gear up for Lent, Jon and I popped "the Passion" in last night. We're visual learners, so the plan is to watch a little of the Passion every time we've got a yearning for TV or Netflix.

I got to the scene where the temple priests are all hitting Jesus, and I was transfixed.

For the first time in my life, the scene didn't feel "cartoonish", fake or "over the top."

People hitting Jesus in the face. It made sense.

Jon and I stopped the DVD and started talking. "Why are they hitting him?" I asked. I didn't write them off as foolish monsters. I saw them for the first time as real people. Why are the temple priests, the guys who are supposed to be praying for the coming Messiah hitting the actual Messiah in the face?" I asked Jon.

"They are afraid," Jon said confidently. "The are hitting Jesus because they are trying to get control over something they are afraid of."

"What do you mean?"

Then Jon and I started talking about our Bunny's experience in the NICU. When the real God stuff hits, life is not a Hallmark commercial. People who are in the light were attracted to our Bunny like a magnet. Sometimes they made mistakes, sometimes we made mistakes, but like Peter, John and Jesus we always found a way to be together for the big stuff.

Meanwhile, people who were "in darkness" got absolutely furious at Bunny. It was irrational. It didn't make any sense. People told us "if you didn't have a 4th child, none of this would be happening right now."

I didn't want to spend one "extra" day in the NICU with my pretty girl Tess and I ended up spending 25 extra days. This is one of the gifts of faith from that trial by fire.

The Passion doesn't seem like such an unreal cartoon anymore.

John and Alexis - My Soul Proclaims

A beautiful description of the vocation of marriage from my friends in real life, John and Alexis. (John is a Third Order Carmelite and a theology professor. His students made this video as part of a project to promote Catholic vocations. Way to go guys!)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Why I Love Being Facebook Friends With Priests

. . . because just when I start slipping into a pity party mood that my special 3 day Valentine's Weekend got marred by a super ugly head cold that has wiped out the entire Benjamin family, this surprising comment appears on my facebook screen.

"Father Dan G. is back from Mount 2000! Surprisingly tired; with his right hand not yet working properly (pinched nerve from sleeping on the gym floor? can't type right!); and having heard a good chunk of the almost 900 total confessions! Praised be Jesus Christ! Zzz..."

When concerned parishioners inquired further, Father updated us on the details of his

Youth Retreat Palsy

"Not all the way to full function, but continuing to improve. . . .
I was just reading about arm and hand muscles, arteries, and nerves, and I am pretty sure I know what happened. From an arm position while sleeping, I must have compressed the radial nerve in my arm and cut off blood supply to it (perhaps to some muscles as well?). This is indeed what happens when you make your arm "go to sleep"-- but I must have done it for more than 40 minutes, though less than several hours, based upon the length of time it is taking to recover. A page that describes all of this well is at http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/1996-12/850996021.Ns.r.html. I did not lose sensation in the arm and hand, just the ability to move some of the muscles.

This is common enough that they say there are nicknames for it based on different causes: "Saturday Night Palsy," when due to drinking, and "Lover's Palsy," from someone else sleeping against the arm. Shall we call this one "Chaperone Palsy"? "Youth Retreat Palsy"? :)

Seriously, God! Seriously?

To serve you, a priest hears almost 900 confessions during one youth retreat and spends an uncomfortable night sleeping on a gym floor. His reward for this great deed--a nice case of "youth retreat palsy". Because what priest needs a working right hand to celebrate the Mass each day??

This is why it's great to be a Carmelite, folks. (And Father Dan G. is a member of my Carmelite community). We totally get how God hands out "extra credit" sufferings as a special thank you for a job well done. Seeing it in action sends us into ironic giggles. *

God bless you Father D! We're praying that your sore arm heals soon. St. John Vianney, remind us to pray daily for our beloved priests.


*If you are still thrown by the concept of "suffering because of doing the right thing", I'll write a post on St. John of the Cross soon.

Winner

Comment #3 Beth F., won my drawing for Cardinal Wurel's new book.

Thank you to everyone for participating!

My 1,000 Post!

Whew! Where did the time go?

I started this blog back when my daughter Maria was seven weeks old. Now she's 3 1/2!

This blog was something fun to do as a new stay-at-home mommy of three. It became a lifeline during my youngest daughter's health crisis last fall.

Many, many thanks to all of my readers.

To celebrate, I've got my first ever blogger give-away. My Cardinal wrote a new book called "The Mass." It's awesome! To win this book, leave a comment describing your favorite place to pray in your domestic church. Winner announced on Valentine's Day.

Faithful in the Little Things

I was in a hurry to check out of the Dentist office yesterday. I had a cavity filled and my lips were still numb and tingling from the Novocaine. Hannah looked equally miserable from her drilling experience. "I need to get us out of here fast", I decided.

I handed over my credit card and nodded my head in silence to all requests made by the receptionist.

There was this little whisper in my mind "compliment her on her necklace."

I swatted that thought away quickly. My tongue felt drowsy in my mouth. I wasn't in the mood for polite chitchat today.

The thought came again, "compliment her on her necklace."

Okay, okay, I'll play ball. With about all the enthusisiam I could must for a 3 AM feeding for Baby Tess. I said flatly "I like the necklace you are wearing." My voice was all weird and heavy. I felt totally stupid for talking.

A change came over the receptionists face. She started to glow. (It's been 3 years going to the same dentist and I've never seen his receptionist smile before.)

"It's my grandmother's necklace. I hardly ever wear it out," she said. "It's the only thing I have of hers so it's very special to me . . ."

"Well, that worked!" I thought.

Meet the Saints- St. Bathild

I missed posting about a new favorite saint whose feast day was on January 30th. St. Bathild was a young English girl who was kidnapped by pirates around 630 AD and brought to France as a slave to an officer in the king's palace. In an amazing demonstration of virtue Butler's Lives of the Saints states: "(St) Bathild did not struggle against her circumstances but carefully learned to do the housekeeping chores required of her, while remaining polite and gentle"

King Clovis II MARRIED Bathild in 649. As Queen Bathild did much to advance the Christian faith in France. (Not surprisingly, she also took an active part in suppressing the slave trade.) After the Kings death, Bathild abandoned her crown and entered a convent. The only thing that set her apart as a nun was her "extraordinary humility and strict obedience to religious superiors."

So much to learn from this Saint--starting with "learning how to do my housekeeping chores while remaining polite and gentle."

I'm struck by how this real life fairy tale models the life of Our Blessed Mother, the humble Queen of Housekeeping eventually becomes Queen of France--while Mom becomes the Queen of Heaven and Earth.

I'm also amazed at how many saints started out as slaves: St. Patrick, Ven. Pierre Toussaint, and St. Josephine Bakhita. Anyone have other former slaves to add to the list?

Miss Kaitlin Had Her Baby!

Hannah Rose born Feb 7 at 3:02am. 7.3 lbs 20in. Dark curly hair! (from Facebook)

Thanks for your prayers! You can leave some messages for Hannah at her Mommy's website.

When the Liturgy of the Hours Makes Me Laugh Out Loud

Todays Reading is from St. Paul's Letter to the Galatians 1:1-12,

"If I were trying to win man's approval, I would surely NOT be serving Christ!"

Are You Salty?

Oh no he didn't!!!!

My Carmelite buddy Father Dan puts our feet to the fire with this easy litmus test of living our Catholic faith.

Which made a bigger dent in your life this week, the Super Bowl or the Feast of the Presentation?

"If the National Labor Relations Board investigated your life in this way, what would they find? Would they find that you really are salt in the world, and light in darkness, as Jesus’ urged? Or would they also find that the reality of your life doesn’t match the surface? And if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned?

I want to close by considering two days: today, and this past Wednesday.

Today—this evening—there is something happening. I can’t imagine what. It isn’t a federal holiday; it isn’t on your employer’s calendar; it isn’t on your children’s school calendar; I doubt it is even a Hallmark holiday. And yet, mysteriously, 100 million people will do something different than they do on a normal Sunday; 100 million. They will all watch the same television channel, so that it will be the most-watched program of the year—perhaps even of all television history, as it was last year. They will all make special food, especially chili and wings, so that it ranks only second to Thanksgiving as food purchasing for a holiday. It might even generate more prayers, on behalf of one team or the other, than many other days of the year.

Yes, the government investigator would probably find evidence of the Super Bowl in your finances and your calendar. It shows up; it makes a bump.

But what about last Wednesday? The investigator would point to the evening of February 2 and say, “It says Presentation; was that some sort of talk you were giving?” “Oh no,” you would say, “that’s the Feast of the Presentation—one of the great feasts of the Church year. It comes 40 days after Christmas, and celebrates when Mary and Joseph took the baby Jesus to the Temple. And so the Lord entered his Temple. And the old man Simeon said he would be a ‘light to enlighten the nations.’ And so the whole parish gets together in the evening. And we start out in the front of the property, and the priest blesses candles, and we have this candlelight procession, singing, until we get inside the church—which has been a Catholic tradition for centuries. And then we celebrate Mass. And then we go to the parish hall for a great dinner—with traditional foods for that feast day. And there are games for the kids; and one class always puts on a little skit about the day. It’s so much fun. I look forward to it every year. You know, you should come next year. I think you would really enjoy it.”

And the investigator would mark down: Yep, this one is Catholic. This one is salt and light. This Feast of the Presentation isn’t a federal holiday, or on the employer’s calendar or the school calendar or in the Hallmark cards; but it sure makes a bump in his life.

Of course, that didn’t happen last Wednesday, did it? But it could! If you would like to help make plans for feast days like that one, let me know. The Feast of the Annunciation is coming up on March 25."

Read Father Dan's whole homily here.

Find ideas about how to celebrate Candlemass better next year, click here and here.

Things I Wish I Knew Before Baby Number Four...

My blogger friend, Kaitlin, at More Like Mary, More Like Me is past her due date with her first baby. Go down there and give her some love. She's taking prayer requests for upcoming labor, so be sure to give her something extra hard. Mommy Mary NEVER turns down prayer requests from
ladies in labor.

In Honor of the new baby (who WILL be coming out sometime this month, Kaitlin. We promise!) here is a quick wrap up "things I wish I knew before Baby Number Four.. ."

1) The Cloud b Sleep Sheep might be a gimmick for the baby, but BOY does it work for soothing stressed out Mamas! I'm getting my taxes done online in no time by listening to its "relaxing whale sounds."

2) Keep one pacifier, one pacifier clip in the house. Crazy, but I haven't lost it in three months. When I had 10 for my other kids, I lost my pacifiers all of the time.

What do you Veteran Mothers suggest? (Mothers of all family sizes welcomed to comment!)

Update: As of 11:56 AM, looks like Kaitlin is in labor! Prayers please!

Bunny's First Solids

 

Yummy Bunny!

 

5 months old

Snow Days in the South

 

Using a Parking Lot Snow Bank as Our Mount Everest!

Still Working On Taking Pics As A New Family of 6!