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Alcove

I Am Not A Superhero . . .

alec vanderboom

On this day,

I failed at sugar cookie baking,

and potty training,

and at encouraging a fragile reader to persevere through the entire length of Green Eggs & Ham,

and at getting a newborn to stay asleep.

When the Devil starts biting at my Achilles tendon,
whispering in his deep throated growl that each of my failures will have devastating life-long consequences for my children,
it's time for me to tell that Devil to "TAKE A HIKE!"

No, this is not the life I planned. . .

. . . . In fact, this whole enterprise was NEVER my idea.

In the wise words of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, however, "God never asked me to be successful. God asked me to be faithful."

I am content to go on "faithfully failing" at motherhood for as long as Our Blessed Mother decides to board her own dear children at my house.

Calling all bakers!

alec vanderboom

I need tutoring in how to make sugar cookies. I usually have trouble rolling the cookies out. Today I took the precaution of using store bought dough, but I still failed. My first attempt to make icing from scratch also ended with hard colored lumps that were impossible to spread. Advice? Fool-proof recipes?

Happy St. John of the Cross Feast Day

alec vanderboom

Yahoo! Big Feast Day for the Carmelites today. Our special buddy St. John of the Cross! St. John helped found the reformed branch of the Carmelite Order. He sort of the go to it guy for finding spiritual joy in the midst of great suffering.

For example he wrote this luminous poem while locked up in a putrid jail, living on a starvation diet and getting beaten regularly by his former friends. (Oh, St. John of the Cross, pray for me! I'm not so good at the experiencing "pure joy" while suffering yet.)

The Dark Night of the Soul
St John Of the Cross

On a dark night,
Kindled in love with yearnings--oh, happy chance!--
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.

In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised--oh, happy chance!--
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest.

In the happy night,
In secret, when none saw me,
Nor I beheld aught,
Without light or guide, save that which burned in my
heart.

This light guided me
More surely than the light of noonday
To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me--
A place where none appeared.

Oh, night that guided me,
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,
Lover transformed in the Beloved!

Upon my flowery breast,
Kept wholly for himself alone,
There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him,
And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

The breeze blew from the turret
As I parted his locks;
With his gentle hand he wounded my neck
And caused all my senses to be suspended.

I remained, lost in oblivion;
My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,
Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

More posts on St. John of the Cross and his beautiful Statue in the National Gallery.

VIP Catholic Addresses

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When you are sending out Christmas Cards this year, don't forget to include priests and religious! They LIVE for Christmas cards from happy families. (Plus, you can send them super late since Catholics celebrate all 12 days of the Feast of Christmas).

Send a card with a note about your gift of prayers to your parish priests, any Sisters or Brothers remotely connected to your life, your Bishop and the Holy Father.

Here's an address for the Pope which will only cost a regular US stamp. (AND you'll get a smiling Pope photo mailed back to you!)

Apostolic Nunciature the Holy See
3339 Massachusetts Ave, NW
Washington, D.C. 20008

Our National Shrine for the entire USA (if you make a small donation you get a lifetime of awesome free gifts in the mail)

Msgr. Rossi
Basilica of National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception
400 Michigan Ave
Washington, D.C. 20017

(I sent Msgr. Rossi a note expressing how grateful I was to see reassuring sight of the Basilica from my sick Bunny's NICU room, AND he wrote me a personal note back! I have it saved in Tessy's Baby Book.)

EVERYONE should have a couple of Sisters on their Christmas card list. These Sisters delight in children and they will pray hard for your family in 2011. You can steal some of mine if you need some.

Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration
Our Lady of Blessed Sacrament Monastery
3900 13 St. NE
Washington, D.C. 20017
(these are the reason that our government is still standing- these nuns pray for our leaders day and night in front of the Blessed Sacrament).

Little Sisters of the Poor
4200 Harewood Rd NE
Washington, D.C. 20017
(these sisters care for poor senior citizens for free)

Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa's Order)
3310 Wheeler Rd SE
Washington, D.C. 20032

Carmel of Port Tobacco (the ORIGINAL Carmel convent for the entire United States)
5678 Mount Carmel Rd
La Plata, MD 20646

Miracle - Matisyahu Hanukkah Song

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Please listen to this amazing contemplative song by Hasidic rapper Matisyahu. I love the lyrics: "Bound to stumble and fall,
but my strength comes from not Man at all.
Do you believe in Miracles? Am I hearing you? Am I seeing you?"

When I first introduced this find to Mr. Benjamin, I said "this guy has an intense prayer life!" Now all my kids have memorized this song. The perfect pick-me-up to a rough Advent week.

(If you're up for the symbolic "Miracle on Ice" of pagan Greeks vs hardy Macabees you can watch the real video here.)

Keep Saying Yes to God!

alec vanderboom

Nursing Baby Tess is suddenly not going well. Somehow we slid into the pattern of mostly formula and very little breast milk going into my kid. I'm trying to stay calm. One of the soothing things I tell myself about this post- NICU hiccup is "maybe this is God's way of getting me pregnant again sooner rather than later." I'm all happy with that thought when it's daylight and I'm smiling at my sweet baby's face.

Then it turns 3 AM and I suddenly start thinking "What if God DOES send me another baby soon!"

I start to freak out.

I'm really shaken up after the whole NICU experience.

I want another baby. I'm so in love with each of these unique gems that Mr. Benjamin and I produce. I'm finally unafraid of having another c-section. Or even another miscarriage. Yet, I'm terrified of finding myself back in the NICU.

Being in the NICU made us realize that our cross with Baby Tess was teeny-tiny. We came face to face with babies with serious conditions that made them stuck in the NICU for months upon months. I seriously had no idea that so many things could go wrong with a little baby's body.

So it is really scary to think of climbing on the roller coaster again and having no idea where you'll end up.

I keep trying to fight this panic though, because I know it's not Holy. It's not "of God." The lessons from the NICU should be an increased trust in God. A renewed appreciation for being "the apple of God's eye." After all, the only thing we are supposed to fear is sin. And sickness isn't sin.

I keep coming back to this surprising discovery that saying YES to life is harder the more kids that you have, instead of being easier. As you go along on life's journey, you know more kids who got sick. You've experienced more close calls. There's this tendency to hold yourself back from future hurt and say "Well, so far so good. Let's just get off this fertility roller coaster with 5 kids at age 35 rather than risk anymore heartache by going further."

Somehow that makes saying yes to baby number six-- even more beautiful.

That Ruddy Bee!

alec vanderboom

So thanks to my three year old Mimi, who I'm quickly discovering is a tiara wearing--rope touting- outdoor survivorist, we've been watching a lot of BBC's "Man vs Wild" at our house.

Bear Grylls is a former British Special Ops Force guy who runs around the world showing us couch potatoes how to survive in dangerous environments around the globe.

There is this great scene where Bear faces death from "a ruddy bee." In past episodes Bear has killed alligators and diamond backed rattlesnakes. His greatest risk to his life comes from a single bee sting to his forehead in the middle of the Sierra Nevada desert.

The single bee sting causes his face to swell, leaving him almost completely blind. The wretched looking guy is forced to continue to fight down rattlesnakes, dehydration and possible anaphylactic shock.

Bear makes this great comment "It's ironic that after all the dangerous animals I've faced, I'm in the most danger of death from a ruddy bee!"

It's a rough Advent in the Benjamin household. We're facing some minor trials that aren't a PICC line in the heart, but seem to keep coming in waves and are wearing us down.

Today I kept thinking about all the "Ruddy Bees" in my life. This Fall my family got through the big tests of Faith with Baby Tessy's life threatening illness. Yet, here I am losing it over the more minor trials my life.

My trust in Jesus is a moth eaten cloth with so many holes in it. I find it easier to trust Jesus with the big stuff (what else are you going to do but pray and trust in the NICU?) but I continue to fight trusting him with the smaller stuff.

This Advent there is a lot more deadwood that needs to be hauled out from the inside of my heart.

St. Nicholas, pray for me!

Math & Thiebaud

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I love this painter! His work makes me feel so happy!

Maria checked out a new counting book based on Thiebaud paintings from the library that is delicious! Learning how to count to ten was never more fun.

Here's a link to fraction homework for an older kid.

Can you believe the National Gallery of Art has math homework available online?

==

Teamwork

alec vanderboom

Our lunch hour today was super rough. My bunny rabbit refused to sleep last night. I woke up so far behind the rushing train that is my family life that by 12:30 PM I still hadn't found the 50 seconds that I needed to put contacts in my eyes.

My husband came home for lunch. He parked a bicycle with a flat tire in the middle of our kitchen hallway.

If you've ever attempted to keep 3 curious children away from a wet, greasy piece of machinery then you can anticipate what type of chaos followed.

My kids managed to jam six pairs of hands into a dirty bicycle chain at once.

I lost my calm.

My husband lost his peace.

Three children started defending the concept of an "attractive nuisance" at the same time.

I hollered for six legs to get into six snow boots at once. My husband said "You guys don't really need to leave the house."

"Yes, we do!" I answered.

At that exact moment a wedding present, which we had nicknamed our "Carmel vase," shattered to pieces on our kitchen floor.

My husband came out and very firmly told me "We are not going to do this anymore! We are all going to stop fighting right now and start praying."

The wimpy Carmelite that I am, I sorted doubted that family prayer at that moment would work.

It did.

We prayed. We flung holy water around. My husband set the table while holding a sleeping baby and made sure that I ate actual food for the first time in 18 hours. Within 15 minutes, the storm clouds had cleared.

Now that everyone is asleep, I'm reflecting on how much of today's lunch hour demonstrates the amazing power of a 10 year marriage.

My husband and I are good teammates. The Lord has made us such. We still fuss and fret. We're normal people subject to the same stress as other people- we have lots of kids and little time and even less money. Yet we somehow had this amazing gift of faith just handed to us on our wedding day.

And because we are both Catholics, because we are two Carmelites, in the middle of a total family meltdown, my husband can just say "We're not doing this anymore! Lets all stop and pray!" and WE ALL LISTEN TO HIM!

This is so NOT how I imagined living out my life when I first got married at 26! But now that I'm an elderly 35, I find it pretty cool.

(Way to divorce-proof my marriage, Mommy Mary! I'm totally pathetic, so all the grace I've got in life is totally from you!)

Meet the Saints- St. Edmund Campion

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Today is the feast day of one of my most favorite saints, St. Edmund Campion!

Imagine for a second that Catholicism is suddenly outlawed in Mexico. All the priests are arrested. All the nuns sent home and their convents turned into public parks and public schools. Overnight, it become illegal to attend Mass, to go to Confession or to baptize your child. What would you do?

Under King Henry VIII, that same situation happened to England. England use to be as Catholic as it's neighbor Ireland. (Remember St. Patrick was a Brit who actually converted the Irish Celts.) There were many, many famous English martyrs. Many devote Catholics in the land. Even King Henry himself got the title "defender of the Faith" from the Pope.

The serpent bit King Henry through the sin of adultery and world turned upside down for English Catholics. After years of bloody struggle, the Catholic faith was surpressed.

Enter St. Edmund Campion!

Edmund's family converted to Protestantism early, and he was raised as an Angelican Catholic. He had a brilliant career at Oxford. He was the darling student who was chosen to give a special welcome speech to King Henry's daughter, Queen Elizabeth I. She was amazed at his intelligence, charm and good looks. She told Edmund he could name his cabinet post in her church and her government.

But Edmund had a problem.

The more he studied the roots of English Protestantism, the more his soul became troubled. The more he studied the great Catholic doctors of the Church, the more he felt that the Roman Catholic Church of Rome was the true church of Christ.

What to do?

He consulted the best theological minds at Oxford. He asked one of his friends, "How can you be an expert in St. Ambrose and St. Augustine and still be an Anglican priest?" The friend answered "If I believed in these saints as well as I read them, I would indeed be in trouble. But since I don't, I'm fine!"

St. Edmund was not fine. He left Oxford. He left England. He handed his soul over to God and became a Jesuit priest. He was trained in special seminary overseas designed to train priests to help reconvert England to the Catholic faith.

After receiving Holy Orders, St. Edmund at once raced back to his homeland. His heart bleed for the Catholics who were suffering terrible pains of conscious under an oppressive ruler and who had no one to guide them. St. Edmund went from house to house in secrecy. He heard confession for hours. He soothed the fears of the few elderly priests who were still locked in jail. He celebrated Mass, baptized babies and regularized marriages.

He saved souls.

St. Edmund knew that he risked death. He demonstrated heroic courage. He wrote "a brag" to tell the Queen exactly why he was coming to England, not to have a political revolution, but a peaceful, moral revolution of the heart. He even said he hoped to convert his Queen's heart as well.

He truly loved his enemies. He says "If these my offers be refused, and my endeavours can take no place, and I, having run thousands of miles to do you good, shall be rewarded with rigour. I have no more to say but to recommend your case and mine to Almighty God, the Searcher of Hearts, who send us his grace, and see us at accord before the day of payment, to the end we may at last be friends in heaven, when all injuries shall be forgotten."

(Read his entire brag, it will make you cry!)

Queen Elizabeth was not pleased. After 2 years, St. Edmund was found. He was sentenced to death. As St. Edmund was being pulled to his execution spot, he saw one single statue of the Virgin Mary that the Protestants had not smashed to bits. He saluted Our Mother as he passed.

On December 1, 1581, St. Edmund was hanged, drawn, and quartered at Tyburn, London, England and parts of his body were displayed at the city gates as a warning to other Catholics.

St. Edmund Campion, pray for us!

(For more information on this wonderful saint I highly recommend reading Eveyln Waugh's biography entitled Edmund Campion).

Life With A New Baby In the House

alec vanderboom

An odd thing has started happening to me.

I'll be chatting pleasantly with someone when suddenly my conversation partner would look over at cute Baby Tess, grimace and mutter "I bet that new baby is really messing up your older kids home-schooling experience!"

It happens over and over again.

I first noticed this phenomena while talking to my OB. He's says "Abby, do you need any birth control?"

"No!" I giggled. I smile at the baby in my lap and 3 bored children hanging off of various pieces of medical equipment. (Because that's how we post-NICU mother's roll. You must take all FOUR children to a post-birth vaginal exam because your poor husband has already exhausted all of his 2010 sick leave.)

"Instead, you'd rather have a tutor! Right Abby?"

"Huh?"

"You know, a tutor . . ." my doctor said uncomfortably "for your kids . . . because your home-schooling is going so badly this year.

"SAY WHAT???"

Until I started getting bombarded with criticism, I didn't think our home-schooling was going so badly this year. Since my 1st and 2nd grader can discuss organic chemistry with their Dad on weekends and polish their basic phonic skills with Mom on weekday mornings, I figured we were we solidly on track.

Granted, as the sleep deprived mother of a newborn, I'm not the most creative teacher this Fall. Home-schooling comes behind making sure that Baby Tess is healthy and growing, insuring my Family has clean clothes in their drawer and good food in their bellies.

All the same, the stream of comments started getting under my skin. So during Thanksgiving break, I kicked our school lessons into higher gear.

Which all explains why this morning I was sitting in front of a chalkboard with Baby Tess trying to teach my seven year old daughter Hannah double digit addition.

We'd hit a rough patch. Hannah could add double digit numbers when they were listed out horizontally (10 +15 = 25) but she was having trouble when the equations were listed out vertically. Suddenly the number 1,105 was showing up as an answer to the above equation.

I could tell that Hannah was about to lose it. When things get tough, my sanguine tends to fly off into an 'This is too hard and I can NEVER understand it" tantrum. I could see the cracks beginning to surface. We were way past my usual line "Jesus likes it when we do hard things for him, it's called perseverance!"

Totally inspired, I picked up sweet Baby Tess and used her as a ventriloquist.

"Shh! Don't worry Hannah, I know the answer." I had the speechless baby say to her sister.

Then I picked up a piece of pink chalk and put it in the baby's hands. I had Baby Tess assume the classic Thinker's pose.

"Hmmmmm!" Baby Tess said. "What can be the answer to 10 +15? I know! I know!"

Putting my hand on top of Baby Tess I had her draw out a bottle under the equals sign!

"That's it! That's it!" I had Baby Tess sing out merrily! "Hannah the answer to all of life's problems is always a bottle of milk!"

My stressed Hannah went from mad, to confused, to side splitting laughter. She thought my little comedy routine was the bees knees.

After we'd played out the comic math lesson, giving the further answers of "a pacifier" and "a clean diaper", I shrugged my shoulders.

"Maybe you should take another try" I suggested gently. "It doesn't seem like Baby Tess is much help on the math section of your Quiz Bowl Team!"

Hannah happily picked up the pieces of her math equations and went on to correctly answer 4 new problems.

So that would be the answer that I'd hand my doctor and all those naysayers out there.

Yes, babies are hard work. Babies are messy. Babies do tend to throw off your normal routine and spiral your life into chaos.

HOWEVER, at the exact same time babies can help propel your entire family forward.

If my Hannah was an only child, I'd have many more hours each week to go over double-digit addition with her. Most of that "extra" time we would have spent butting heads and becoming increasingly miserable.

Sometimes what you really need is a silly, giggly, newborn baby Sister in your math class to make things come out right.

The Deep Mystery of the Incarnation

alec vanderboom

From Five Hundred Chapters by St. Maximus the Confessor, abbot.

"The Word of God, born once in the flesh . . . is always willing to be born spiritually in all who desire him. In them he is born as an infant as he fashions himself in them by means of their virtues. He reveals himself to the extent that he knows someone is capable of receiving him. He diminishes the revelation of his glory not out of selfishness but because he recognizes the capacity and resources of those who desire to see him. Yet, in the transcendence of mystery, he always remains invisible to all."
(Advent, Office of the Readings, pg. 519)

Prayer: How the Lost Get Found!

alec vanderboom

Have great HOPE for success from the Holy Father's call for a prayer Vigil tonight for Nascent Human Life. Even stubborn hearts can get turned around with the touch of Christ's grace.

I should know!

(For the full story on how I went from a pro-choice, career-obsessed Protestant woman to a pro-life, Catholic mother of five click here.)

Vigil for Nascent Life

alec vanderboom

The Holy Father has asked all Catholics to hold a vigil for Life on this last day before the Advent Season.

"Today, Pope Benedict XVI has called Catholics worldwide to a special prayer for the most vulnerable persons in the world with a profound conviction that our attention to them is the cornerstone to peace on earth.

He asked every bishop to lead his diocese in a Vigil for Nascent Life.
This prayer will be prayed in Catholic churches around the world, invoking God's protection on all human beings who have been called into existence.

Our Holy Father Pope Benedict recently said, "when the promotion of the dignity of the human person is the primary inspiration of political and social activity that is committed to search for the common good, solid and enduring foundations are created for building peace and harmony between peoples."

In our world today, those who were just conceived and those who are in the womb of their mothers are often not shown peace, but the opposite. Their lives are ended.
We pray today for the many ways that human life, the very gift of God, is threatened and often deemed useless.

We pray to end abortion; we pray for the embryos stored at fertility clinics; and we pray for those newly created human persons in research clinics whose fate is destruction.

In this prayer, we also pray for ourselves, that we might be instruments of God's love to ensure all lives are treated as sacred.

It is important for us to remember not only the fetus and the embryo, but also those who are in a position to bring dignity to the very delicate life of the unborn person.

In our prayer this evening, we ask for the protection of pregnant women who are vulnerable to physical violence that they might be safe from harm and their child might be safe as well.

We pray for those parents who have received a diagnosis of a fetal abnormality of their unborn son or daughter. May these parents receive the grace and support to celebrate the life of their very special child or children who may have special needs so that they choose life for their loved ones without falling to the pressures of abortion.

Our prayer extends to medical research and science.
May God's natural law be applied in all testing, remembering that every human person is precious to God.
As the Judeo-Christian Scriptures proclaim in Psalm 139 (13-14), "You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!"

May our medical treatments using adult stem cells continue with the great success we have already achieved, so that cures continue to help those afflicted while no emerging humans or nascent life is destroyed in the treatment of disease.
I have invited the pastors in our diocese to share in this Vigil for Nascent Life at our Sunday Vigil Masses this evening." (quoted article from Cleveland Catholic Diocese)

Baby Skylar is Home!

alec vanderboom

Thank you for all the prayers said on behalf of Baby Skylar, my baby Tessy's old roommate at the NICU. After 87 days, this baby is now HOME! Thank you, St. Nicholas!

 

Here's a picture I snapped last week with Mom and baby hanging out in Skylar's new "big girl crib".

Enjoy life outside the NICU, Baby Sky! As Miss Tess can tell you, it's easy livin'. All the food you want, whenever you want it. No one waking you up in the middle of the night to draw blood. No weird tests or funny smells or uncomfortable NG tubes down your throat. A Mommy who suddenly doesn't have to drive an hour just to change your diaper. Sunshine on your face.

Life with a healthy, pretty Skylar is going to be beautiful!