My Unexpected 500th Birthday Present to St. Teresa of Avila

October 15, 2015 will mark the 500th Anniversary of St. Teresa of Avila's birth. In shy, reticent Carmelite circles this anniversary was a huge deal.  The Carmelite Sisters (nuns) are a contemplative order, meaning they shut themselves off from talking to almost anybody in order to better hear God and pray for everybody.

When I was a young blogger four years ago, I installed a "Countdown Clock" to make off this huge anniversary on "Abigail's Alcove." I had big plans on how to celebrate this milestone both internally and externally. I expected to make my final promise in May 2015. I wanted to reread all of St. Teresa's major works. I wanted to "be" Carmel and "do" Carmel in that ambitious 5 Year Plan Way that sometimes happens to both Graduate Students and Chinese Communist Leaders in the 1950s.

On October 11, 2014, I had an emergency birth of my premature son, John. I spent St. Teresa of Avila's Feast Day on October 15, 2014 in a whirl of doctor visits and lab tests. I told my husband "I'm skipping the big Saint Day of my favorite saint!"  

My husband did this wave of the hand thing he does whenever he is agitated with me and said, "St. Teresa would understand. This is the work that you should focus on for her!" 

I listened to him, sort of, in the moment. Mostly, I told myself "It's just one day and her 500th Celebration will last a whole year." There was that optimistic hope that I could get my life "back on track" in a few weeks. 

I thought I'd spent 2014-2015 as a year celebrating St. Teresa of Avila the way that I wanted to celebrate her. Instead, I found myself dragged along a year that started with a premature sixth baby and ended with an unfinished book. At this time of reflection, when I'm mourning the failure to reach some of my more ambitious spiritual goals, I have to give thanks that for the surprising year I had with St. Teresa of Avila. I'm so grateful to the friend who sent me a link to a museum exhibit of her writing, exactly when I was struggling with my own book. I'm happy that the daughter I named after her, Teresa, finally made peace with her NICU journey at Children's Hospital this summer. I'm happy for the Carmelite who gave me a piece of stone from Avila which I now keep in my jewelry box. There were so many moments on this rough journey where I felt my bff, St. Teresa of Avila, nodding at me. She is my friend. She is my sister of the heart.

In the 500th Year of St. Teresa of Avila's birth, I raised a premature baby to age 1. I battled anemia and post-partum anxiety. I welcomed a Pope to his first visit to America. I started a book, I scrapped it, I started another one. I changed my internal identity from "blogger" to "artist" and "writer". I changed my external website to reflect that shift. I turned 40. I narrowed my friend list in some areas and expanded my friend list in other areas. I stayed married, to a great guy, who I first fell in love with at 25. I taught school. I did the laundry. I washed the dishes and I steam cleaned the floor.

For 365 days in a year, I prayed almost every morning, along side a great writer, a great saint and a great friend, St. Teresa of Avila. I'm so grateful to her good example. She shows me that big thoughts can happen in the middle of my ordinary, daily work. If she never changed the diaper of a premature baby, although she might have, I hope that I made her laugh this year when I fumbled around in the task and asked for her intercession. I think making a saint smile is about the best birthday present a friend could ask me to give her.

Be Brave & Get Into A Fiat: What I Learned From My Pope's Visit To DC

One of the most talked about incidents during the Pope's visit to my area, happened right after the Holy Father landed at Andrews Air Force Base in Prince George's County, Maryland. The Pope got off his airplane. He greeted the Cardinals, the priests, and the President of the United States. He smiled at the crowds. Then, Pope Francis got into a Fiat, a small, four door, Italian manufactured car and drove away.

The decision of Pope Francis to get into a Fiat instead of a traditional limousine sparked a lot of interest on social media. At first I felt a little out of the loop. All straight Catholics love the virtue of poverty. It's not like my previous Popes, Saint John Paul II, or Pope Emeritus Benedict, were against poverty and a spirit of detachment. Saint John Paul II survived slave labor under the Natzi occupation of Poland, and Pope Emeritus Benedict lived on something like a cup of soup a day in a WWII Prisioner of War Camp and later went to seminary in a bombed out building that used a ladder in place of a central staircase. Moreover, there is something to be said for the spiritual of humility of a Pope that accepts the ordinary transportation provided by a host country, particularly one that is freaked out about another terrorist attack after 9/11 .

Yet Pope Francis' entry into the United States was different. I don't know what kind of intense negotation went behind the scenes of the joint security team of the Swiss Guards, the Secret Service and the Metropolitian Police Department, but I'm sure there were many security people who were not exicted that the Pope wanted to ride in Downtown Washington D.C. inside a humble Fiat. The Pope stood his ground. In the end, there was no dangerous assassination attempt (Thank you Mary!) and the social media got to rejoice with an amazing picture of a smiling Pope looking out of the side car window of an Italian Fiat.

I have watched hours of the Pope coverage last week. I've prayed along side my family. I got to cheer on the Pope briefly in person. Yet my most important take-away message from the Papal Visit happened inside a closed event that I didn't attend.

My Pope got into a Fiat.

What I learned from that event is that if I work very hard to conform my life to Christ, then I can be free to express my individual spirituality in unique ways. 

It's an "if, then" statement that we learned about in logic class. The two motions are closely united. I have to work hard to bring my heart in union with Christ. I need to go to Mass. I need to go to Confession frequently. I need to pray hard. I need to diligently work on my ordinary, boring daily work that is encompassed in my vocation.

However, if I do that hard daily work for God, then the Holy Father tells me that I can be confident to make unconvential choices that make many people around me uncomfortable. Pope Francis got into a Fiat, even though ever Pope ahead of him had entered a limousine. He lives inside the Vatican Hotel, even though ever Pope ahead of him had lived inside the Papal Apartments. The Pope made 14 of his 18 speeches in Spanish, even though a lot of Americans are still fluent in only one language, English.

I don't knot what "Be Brave and Get Into A Fiat" means yet in my own personal vocation of marriage. I know that my life does not look like many good Catholic women around me, even though we all attend the same Mass each Sunday. I'm inspired to find out. The world needs more joy and more personal expression of a common and centuries old spirituality.

Thank you, Pope Francis for inspiring me to dream! 

Encountering The Pope As A Family

Yesterday my family greeted Pope Francis in the Papal Parade inside the heart of Washington D.C. I felt a little sheepish during the event because I viewed myself as an unsuccessful writer and a Mom. I didn't get the "money shot" of an amazing photo to share with my friends on social media. I didn't teach my kids to quote Jesus' words of "you are my rock" to St. Peter on the National Mall. I couldn't remember many of the symbols shown on the Vatican flag.

Our family pilgramage was made up of a collection of little moments, that strung together became something beautiful and uniquely "ours." My 8 year old used her own money to buy a Vatican flag to wave. My husband was inspired by her action to buy 2 more Vatican flags for our 3 year old and 5 year old. For the entire day in our Nation's Capital, these three girls walked around happily waving 18 inch yellow and white Vatican flags. I don't think there was a more brilliant Ad campaign by the Archdiocese of DC than the sight of these three girls waving three Vatican flags in the Metro Station of L'Enfant Plaza hours after the Papal Parade had ended.

I almost stopped my 8 year old kid from buying a souvenir Vatican flag because we had already brought a large Vatican flag from home to wave during the parade. As the Mom of many children, my default answer to any child's impromptu spending request is usually "Let's not buy it now." Somehow outside the security gate of the Papal Parade,  I hesitated before saying no. My hesitation was enough time for my 8 year old daughter to offer to spend her own allowance money to buy a flage. Then my husband to suggested adding another $5 from his wallet so that her younger siblings could share in the joy.

If I had a metaphor for that impact of the Papal Parade, it's that we came to the Parade with a one large family flag to wave for the Pope and we left with 5 of my children waving individual flags inside their heart for our Pope.

My kids could see for themselves that our Catholic faith is so much bigger than the small congregation we see every Sunday at our parish church. My eldest daughter, who is 12, talked about the diversity of the crowd. We had so many sweet conversations with strangers who came from countries all over the world. The common bond we had was that we were all Americans and we all loved our Catholic Pope.

There is a sweetness and a gentleness that happens on a piligramage, and a bit of adventure. My 3 year old can ride a long Metro escalator without fear now. My 12 year old had joyful conversations with American immigrants from the Philippines and Mexico. My 8 year old saved our hungry bellies by insisting that French Bread get packed in her backpack along penguin crackers and strawberry fruit jellies. We were all so grateful to have something sustaining by our 2 hour into the wait for the Papal Parade, we declared "French Bread" to be the official snackfood of all future Papal Events.

In the middle of a giant public gathering, I'm so amazed at individual acts of kindness. At 9:30 AM, we were greeted by a well dressed volunteer who had been welcoming strangers at the gates since 4 AM.  I don't know this woman's name, but she told my family exactly where to go to have our best chance of seeing the Pope. We followed her advice to walk another mile to the opposite end of the National Mall in order to have a better view.

On our walke, we took a break by the Washington Monument. We had a family picnic and a long game of tag. The Washington Monument is actually in the exact center of a giant lawn that stretches 2 miles across. What that means for those of us who live near Washington DC is that the Washington Monument is this landmark that we often see, but never visit. We have lived here for 10 years and I've never taken my kids up once to see the Monument.

IWe could see the White House from our picnic spot next to the Washington Monument. There was a loud public address system on the National Mall, so we could hear President Obama and Pope Francis talking live during their White House Event. It was such a beautiful experience to sit in that lovely expansive of space on "America's Front Lawn" and feel connect to an event that happened a few miles away with our Holy Father. In that moment, I prayed for religious liberty. I love that moving forward we have a strong family memory connected to the iconic Washington Monument. The Monument where we first heard Pope Francis in America and where we prayed to keep our religious freedom as American Catholics.

Our picnic spot on the hill was so great that we debated about watching the Papal Parade from that high, perfect vantage point. But we decided to join the crowd. We watched the parade from right across the White House. Our view of the parade route was pretty great until 10 minutes before the delayed Pope got to us. The scence was pretty iconic so all of these people with iPhone and Network Cameras appeared in front of us. Our view of the street went from 4 people deep, to about 25 people deep. I had a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a 5 year old at the Papal Parade, so I made sure to hang out towards the back of the crowd where I was less fearful of my kids getting accidentally smushed or lost.

My family only saw the Pope for a few seconds. He passed by us, mostly waving to the people on the opposite side of the road. We saw the side of our Holy Father's head and his generous wave towards others.

I only saw Pope Francis for a few seconds, but those rew seconds were enough for me. I attended an event that was humble, and free, and brief, and unticketed, and open to the general public. Yet I got to attend that event with Pope Francis with my whole family, including the one year old miracle baby who slept through the whole Parade on my husband's back.

We were one of the only family's that came to the event. Unlike the March for Life, there were not many children who came to the Papal Parade. I know that it mattered that we were there, that we got to encounter the Pope as a Family. The Pope is here for the World Meeting of Families. Marriage is a common vocation, but these days it feels rare to see it done uncommonly well in the world. For one day, on a pilgramage, my family with 6 kids ages 12 to 1, did a lot of hard work cheerfully to give some love back to our Holy Father. We got up early. We walked for miles. Pope Francis didn't see us, but he felt us!

Today, I feel so grateful to have more strength for our journey in our vocation. After 2 Papal Visits, we'veestablished a new tradition in the Benjamin family. "When the Pope is in town, we see him!," even if we only see the Holy Father for the briefest of moments. 

Thank you for your visit Papa! We will joyfully pray for you!

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For more reports and reflections on the Pope's visit from members of the Catholic Women's Blogger Network, please visit "A Walk In Words With Pope Francis."